The Two Twins

Oh Hello There

2011-11-29T20:08:00.000-08:00

Been while... I'm not sure if anyone will comment because it's been so long. Let me assure you of a few things: we are still drunk, we are still assholes, and we are still...um...drunk! I (Bird Shit) am currently drinking alone. I really miss blogging. I miss coming on here and making fun of people none of you know and being a complete jerk. I blame my stupid job for blocking blogger at work again. Now I am back to doing work (not really, reading celebrity gossip). It's shameful!!! I wish I could get paid to just blog or make fun of people because that is my true calling in life (ohhhhh Facebook status for tomorrow). Won't anyone create a job for a high school graduate with a really shitty attitude and mean streak? Anyone? So I guess that's about it for now, I want to stop writing and do some blog stalking!

Repost If You Like

2011-08-11T05:30:00.000-07:00

Ama-blah reposted this the other day on Facebook:

Someone once said, "There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."~ Re-post if you like. . .

I hate reposts! I don't know why they irk me so bad, but they do. I then commented back with my own repost:

Someone once said "there comes a time in your life when you instigate drama in other peoples lives because it's entertaining to watch. You surround yourself with people who are easy targets that you can pick on and laugh at. Forget the go...od and focus on the bad because plotting revenge is more fun then doing good deeds. Love the people who give you money and wish death on the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy at bad things that happen to people you hate. Falling down is a part of life and I hope I'm either tripping you and making you fall or the one laughing at you when you do...repost if you like >:)

Can You Hear Me Now?

2011-08-10T05:30:00.000-07:00

This past weekend poor Grandpa lost his hearing aids. He puts them in all sorts of weird places and never remembers where. He says to me "I either put them in the butter dish or my glasses case"...cause you know, that's where they belong. He was so bummed out he couldn't go to Seniors and play Bingo because he wouldn't be able to hear the numbers being read out. I (being the amazing grandkid I am) took him out to the bar and got him drunk. Beer makes everything better. Since he couldn't hear, we had to shout at him. Then he wants to order food and forgot his glasses and couldn't read the menu. I'm glad I was at our favorite bar and everyone knows Grandpa there because I'm not sure they would have been as amused at me shouting the whole menu to him. By the time we left the bar, he was drunk and I had a headache from shouting. When I dropped him off, he told me I was his favorite grandkid...but then again, he also called me Baby Caca's name LOL He still hasn't found his hearing aids so I think there will be another bar trip this weekend. I will make sure I bring aspirin w/ me this time.

BINGO

2011-08-09T05:48:00.000-07:00

A couple of weekends ago we decided to join Grandpa at Senior Citizens and play Bingo. We figured we would stroll in there and win all the money from those ancient bastards. We were wrong...so very wrong. We didn't win 1 game out of the 30 they played (yes 30 rounds of Bingo, 30 freaking rounds). Baby Caca is a very sore loser! She kept pouting, calling everyone cheaters, and stomping her foot. Every game she threatened to quit, but I made her keep paying because it's fun to watch her antics. One of the old bitches there actually said to us "you know you are actually allowed to win a game". She's lucky I punch her and steal all her Worthers Original candies. Old bitches be serious about their Worthers! I did threaten to follow one lady out to the parking lot and rob her of her $3 winnings...I think she thought I was kidding. Luckily my mom was there to stop me, otherwise I might be typing this from the prison library. Eventually we got bored playing and just drew on Grandpa with the Bingo markers. We are the best grandkids ever!!!

Notice the green dot on Grandpa's arm

It's BAAAAAAAAACK

2011-07-29T12:24:00.000-07:00

My work recently took away Facebook, blogger, and a bunch of other websites that keep me distracted from doing actual work. They also asked Well, I discovered today that they are no longer blocked. It has led me to do not 1 single piece of work today, but has made me very happy. Since I am extremely lazy today, I will keep this short. I can't wait to catch up w/ all the blogs I have been missing on Monday and can't wait to let you all know what's been going on in the lives of the Two Twins. Toodles (yes, I wrote toodles, I am lame)

The Greatest Day in History

2011-07-08T07:00:00.000-07:00

Today is the day Baby Caca and I were born!!! Some say our birth was 2nd only to that of Jesus himself. Let's think about that shall we:

Bird Shit + Baby Caca = 2

Jesus + 0 = 1

It's simple math, WE WIN!!! Sorry Jesus, hope we can still be friends.

If any of you want to send us presents, just let us know and we'll give you the address where to send them...make sure they are expensive and shiny! EXPENSIVE AND SHINY DAMMIT

You've Been Warned

2011-07-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

Something is happening tomorrow...here's a hint:

Wombmates Twincesses

Drinking Buddies

Twinado

Dynamic Duo

Best Friends

Kisses...

...and Hugs

Soul Mate

Partner in Crime

This Buds For You, America!!!

2011-07-06T19:36:00.000-07:00

I really believe sometimes I should be a professional photographer. The picture below was taken from my cell phone, but I still think it captures the essence of what it means to be an American:

I know it brought a tear to your eyes, don't lie. I went to the beach over the 4th of July weekend. I wasn't sure if I was in the mood to go, because of all the traffic, the crowds, the heat (we stayed at Rushy's parents place it is has NO air conditioning). We waited until 5 am on Saturday to leave, NO TRAFFIC. We only stayed on the one side of the bay where most people are on the other side where the beach is, NO CROWDS. We had an amazing breeze coming off the bay, NO HEAT. What really changed my mood though was when I opened the fridge as soon as we got there and saw that Star Spangled Budweiser just waiting in there nice and cold. It was just waiting for me to consume it and I didn't disappoint the dear sweet can. I chugged, I guzzled, I conquered!

Truss Gang

2011-06-30T13:01:00.000-07:00

It all started out with an innocent friend request on facebook and ended up helping me join a gang. This ain’t some bullshit b*tch gang, we’re way hardcore. Like we talk about tasing ourselves and baking cakes…FO REALZ! Here’s how things went down:
1. Baby Caca gets friend request from unknown person from our hometown

2. Baby Caca accepts friend request even though she has no clue who the person is (she accepts everyone because she doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings…LAME)

3. Baby Caca reads status updates of unknown individual. Unknown Individual writes about his domestic “vialance” classes, talks about his ex and how he needs her to call him, uses the words “truss” and “boi” a lot, and how much he loves his son but his ex tries to keep him from seeing him

4. Baby Caca then tells me I have to accept his friend request because his post are pure ghetto gold, she also tells others

5. Unknown Individual accepts a friend request from one of our guy friends “PM” who he has never met. PM then proceeds to “like” every status update and picture on his status. This results in PM getting the very first shout on his page…we become jealous.

6. Baby Ca and I are determined to get our own shout out. We bait him w/ the line “don’t tase me bro” and talk about the Thanksgiving when I let my aunt tase me. We figure crazy attracts crazy…it worked!!! He commented on our page, thus beginning The Truss Gang.

Now this Unknown Individual is known as CRazy due to his initials, but honestly it suits him. He’s oblivious to the fact we are actually making fun of him, we kind of feel bad sometimes. That bad feeling quickly goes away once he puts up a post about “my ex tryin to keep my son from me, almost done my domestic vialance classes…I hope my ex don’t find out I’m creepin w/ this girl down the street”. A lot of times when he’s having these hard times w/ his ex, he puts a status out of us “Yo where my Truss Gang at, I could really use you guys right now”. We all then do our Truss check in “Truss”, “BOI”, “Truss BOI”, “Don’t Tase me Bro”…and so on. We even are thinking of baking a truss cake to celebrate the forming of our gang. OH, one more thing…this has been going on for about 2 months now and we still haven’t met the guy. I kind of don’t want to, he’s like a mystical being, it would ruin it for me.

So...How Ya Been?

2011-06-27T18:25:00.000-07:00

Wedding Season - Over

Baby Shower Season - Over

Relay for Life Events - Over

Are you sensing a common theme here? Shit's OVER!!! I finally have some free time again. Not sure how I feel about it though, I like being busy. A good reason for me to keep busy right now is because I finally got weaned off my anxiety meds. I have been an absolute JOY to be around, what with the uncontrollable mood swings, not to mention the panic attacks! Luckily people around me have been drunk and haven't noticed too much...or is that I've been drunk? Believe it or not, I have been laying off the booze. My partner in crime, my life partner, my best friend, my soul mate...my beer! One day we'll be have great times again, just not right now...well not as much...hmmm...I am trying to think of a way around it, but can't think of a way. What about bathing in alcohol? Is soaking it into my pores as effective as ingesting it? I can't wait to catch all who are still around up on what we have been up to, lots of good times I assure you! In case you have missed our awesome faces, here's a picture for ya's:

It's not goodbye...

2011-04-22T09:22:00.001-07:00

...it's see you later!!!

A lot has been going on in the lives of the Two Twins lately. We haven't had time to write and not sure if we'll be back until the summer. We have 3 friends having babies, 2 friends who are sick (1 w/ cancer and 1 who is HIV positive), 2 weddings (1 of which I am planning the bridal shower for), 1 cousin in the hospital, and 1 friend just passed away last week. We are also busy with the Relay for Life event which is in June and are actually planning a karaoke contest (which is next week if any people in the PA area would like to attend) and planning a beef and beer for our friend who has breast cancer. We know you must feel so abandoned and we are sorry. We never meant to make hurt you...we only want to love you! LOL If you want to see what we are up to and chit chat, we are finally going to reveal who the Two Twins are. You can be our Facebook friends until we get back to blogging. Later Skater!!!!!!!

Bird Shit Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/3mightyquinn3

Baby Caca Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=512378572

WINNING

2011-03-10T05:39:00.000-08:00

Charlie Sheen has completely changed my life in the past few weeks. He is the most quotable man to ever walk the Earth. FACT. I can't speak a normal sentence without throwing a Charlie quote in there. In case you haven't seen the list of his rants, click this link. When you are done reading that, watch this video. I can't get this song out of my head LOL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QS0q3mGPGg&feature=topvideos

Clean up Aisle 3

2011-03-08T10:20:00.000-08:00

This story had me laughing my ass off. This happened in a local supermarket where we live:

Police are looking for a man they say ejaculated on a woman while her back was turned in the cereal aisle of a local Giant Food Store. The woman, identified as a 36-year-old township woman, told police she felt "something" hit her while she was shopping last week. When she immediately felt the back of her pants, the pants were wet. She believed the substance to be ejaculate.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I guess cereal really turned that guy on! I know every once in a while I will be eating my cereal and look up and see Captain Crunch staring at me and get super horny. At least I get it on w/ my cereal box in the privacy of my own home! GEEZ

Gots my Hrrrrrrr Did

2011-03-08T06:19:00.000-08:00

I did something this weekend I have been putting off for a while...I finally donated my hair to Locks of Love. My hair has been my security blanket for many years and after a bad haircut in the 3rd grade, I have had long hair ever since. When I say bad haircut, I mean BAD! It caused our older sister Ama-blah to call us her little brothers, which still makes me tear up to this day. Ama-blah, what a dumb bitch! LOL SOOOO, with all the things we have going on for the Relay for Life walk we are doing, I decided to do a little something extra to help out kids with cancer. I cut 11 inches off my hair. I made sure I popped a xanax and chugged a beer before I went to the salon to get my hair cut. Is it strange I needed a designated driver to go and get a hair cut? Some would say I have a drinking problem, that's why I don't talk to "some" people. Always judging! Also, when I was in the salon, they offered me a beer to help calm my nerves...I will definitely be going back there again! :o)

Before Haircut - bye bye hair, we've had some good times

at the salon after haircut
Today at work - finally getting used to it

Once again, if you want to donate to a good cause, here's the link to the Walk for Winnie team:

https://secure3.convio.net/tacs/site/Donation2?idb=1902622200&1008603.donation=form1&df_id=1008603&FR_ID=30967&PROXY_ID=840472&PROXY_TYPE=22&JServSessionIdr004=o7g2ktf2i1.app325a

My Uncle, SMH

2011-03-07T13:10:00.000-08:00

As we mentioned last week we've had a lot of stuff going on, one of which involved our Uncle going back to jail. He received his 2nd DUI and has to do 30 day, 2 months house arrest, and 60 hours of community service. He was actually my designated driver that day and decideds to drop me and my friends off and go have a drink at a bar 2 blocks from his house. A drink turned into many drinks and instead of walking home (less than 2 minutes away), he drove. Before my Uncle had to go to jail he asked me to get him a going away present-tickets to the Pink Floyd Experience. I told him "no, you aren't going away to college, you don't get presents for going to jail." We did take him out to dinner the night before he left though, so we aren't total jerks...well, um...we are total jerks, but for once were being nice. My Uncle wasn't sure how he was going to get there because we all have to work and I wasn't willing to waste my days off. Eventually he found a few buddies that do weekends for their DUI's and carpooled there. Yup, he carpooled to jail. I'll say it again...Carpooled.To.Jail.

Relay for Life - Facebook Status Edition

2011-03-04T05:30:00.000-08:00

As some of you know, my family is involved in the American Cancer Society - Relay for Life walk in honor of our cancer surviving Momma Quinn. So far everything got screwed up organizing the walk and getting the word out. We have half as many teams as we did last year, so it's kind of discouraging. We're not defeated yet and are still trying our hardest to raise more than we did last year. In order to get donations, we try to write funny status updates on our facebook. Here's some of the gems we've written so far:

Hello my awesome friends...did you know that my mom is a cancer survivor? Well now you know so won't you donate to my team so we can help other people beat cancer just like my mom did!!! $10 (or more) is all it takes to help...that's 2 beers plus tip...a shitty tip, but still a tip!!!

*************************

Briggo the Clown - Hey Kids, do you know what time it is?
Kids - NO, who cares, you suck, I just ate my boogies
Briggo the Clown - It's begging for donations to the Walk for Winnie team time!!!
Kids - I sniff glue, you're stupid, I like turtles
Briggo the Clown - Shut up you stupid brats before I smack the crap out of you.

**************************

Cue the song "In the Arms of an Angel" by Sarah McLachlan and show some sad looking pictures of puppies...but in this case the puppies would be my mother and she may not be as furry, but she needed help before when she had cancer. Please donate to our Walk for Winnie team and help...even $10 a day makes a difference

With that being said, if you want to help out our team, click on the link. Walk for Winnie team would greatly appreciate it. Yeah I used this blog to promote and beg...so what! LOL
https://secure3.convio.net/tacs/site/Donation2?idb=954754630&1008603.donation=form1&df_id=1008603&FR_ID=30967&PROXY_ID=840472&PROXY_TYPE=22&JServSessionIdr004=g41watucs1.app311b

Epic Saturday: Gay Bathroom, Epic Faceplant, and Bird-Shit is a Delicious Cookie

2011-03-03T05:30:00.000-08:00

Wow, a lot happened that night. I didn't realize it the next morning when I woke up...guess it was because I was mega hungover. SOOOO gay bathroom dude started when we were in high school. One of our friends was dating an older guy who happened to be the person who signed us in and out of the bathrooms at our high school. Usually that job was reserved for older women looking to get out of the house for a few hours while their kids were at school. Not this guy...he trolled for high school chicks. We went to his house one night with our friend and kept calling him the bathroom lady and he didn't find it as funny as us. Some people have no sense of humor! The bar we went to happened to be hosting his 40th birthday party. We thought it would be a good time to bring up our memory of him. He still didn't fine it funny...some things never change. After we left the bar we went back to Baby Caca's apartment. Her boy toy "The Giant"and her were wrestling around and he put this bad ass move on her, but unfortunately for her his follow through wasn't that great. He accidentally dropped her and she face planted into the rug. It pretty much was the deciding factor that bed time was near. I started making my bed up on the floor (not the couch, stupid me). Baby Ca thought it would be a good idea to grab a handful of cookies and crumble them over my head and say "Make It Rain". The next day I wake up with cookies in my hear and can't move without feeling crumbs. It was annoying! As we are all sitting there recapping the night, Baby Caca says "I think I cut my nose". She goes into the bathroom to look at the damage and The Giant says "I guess she doesn't remember". We started laughing and told her what happened. She had rug burn from her nose to her chin...awe poor baby! so that's the conclusion to Epic Saturday, hope you enjoyed!!!

Epic Saturday: A Crackhead/Teeth/Pliers and Guy with the Fluffy Hair

2011-03-02T05:30:00.000-08:00

After we left dinner with the girls we graduated with and had enough making fun of man shoulders, we decided it was GHETTO BAR TIME!!! We got to the bar and we saw a guy we used to hang out with and he wanted to show us some awesome pictures. By awesome, I really mean, WTF!!! He is a coke head and his teeth are rotting out. He had an infected tooth and got some piers and pulled his own tooth out. He took a picture of the tooth and the aftermath...who freaking does that??? Awesome right! At that same bar it was karaoke night. I live for karaoke!!! Baby Caca, not so much, but she actually sang with me. I was able to lure her to the microphone because the karaoke chick had a tamborine. It was one of the most amazing display's of karaoke ever known to man. Other things that happened that night, we saw a guy with hair that Farrah Faucett herself would have been jealous of. Baby Caca could not resist the temptation to touch the glorious hair. She said it felt like a magical cloud...her words, not mine. Join us for the conclusion tomorrow of Epic Saturday!!!

Epic Saturday: Man Shoulders and Business Man Blazers

2011-03-01T05:30:00.000-08:00

After leaving the funeral and drinking a wee bit, we had dinner with a few girls we graduated with. When we get to the bar/restaurant, the kitchen is only serving certain food (appetizer menu) and they can't take credit cards because they system is down. Funny thing about ordering off the appetizer menu is they bring everything out on seperate plates. Our one friend ordered 3 appetizers and they brought all of her stuff out first. One plate came out and the waitress asked "who's plate is this" and my friend replied "mine", then she she asked about the next plate and our friend said "also mine" and then the next and she said "Mine again". It was funny...guess you had to be there. After we were done eating we went to the bar area and we saw these guys (also two twins LOL) and they looked so cheesy. They were both wearing blazers and gold chains. We had a bit to drink and started acting like our normal asshole selves. We kept saying "are they shoulder pads to man them look like they have man shoulders". Also funny, but guess you had to be there. Why did this all seem a lot funnier in my head? LOL

Epic Saturday: People Watching at a Funeral

2011-02-28T05:30:00.000-08:00

We were laying low last week because some shizzle has been going on. One of our buddies mom passed away, another friend had surgery for breast cancer, our uncle went back to jail (it's only for a month and then house arrest), and found out another friend is HIV positive.... Shit's getting real!!! Needed time to process all the info. So, as we wrote last week, we had an epic Saturday 2 weekends ago. My buddies mom used to be one of my bar buddies for a while. She talked me out of many psychotic nights when I drank liquor. We only planned on stopping in and paying our respects and leaving. Funerals make me uncomfortable if I am not drunk...and I didn't happen to be drunk that day. As we were leaving we saw a bunch of people that we knew. We ended up seeing a bunch of people from high school that we haven't seen in a while. Some we liked, others not so much. We kept trying to leave, but we kept getting more and more fascinated at the gems that walked in. Some had teeth, some wore flannel, others wore sweatpants, while others just seemed high. It was a sight to see. We ended up staying for an hour just to people watch at a funeral. Does that make us horribe people that we paid respects for about 10 minutes and people watched longer?

Epic Saturday

2011-02-21T10:26:00.000-08:00

Too sleepy to write at the moment…Epic Night Saturday. A little teaser of what’s to come:

People Watching at Funerals, Man Shoulders, Business Man Blazers, A Crackhead/Teeth/Pliers, Guy with the Fluffy Hair, Gay Bathroom Lady, Epic Faceplant, Bird-Shit is a Delicious Cookie….

Guest Blogger Ama-blah - VD Rebuttal

2011-02-15T05:30:00.000-08:00

Guest Blogger Ama-blah has a rebuttal from yesterday's blog...enoy (I hope you all projectile vomit):
I will give you the answers you desire. It really is nothing that you said..although I have to say, the arrow thing kind of turned me on too. ANYWHO….. this is my thing about VD… it’s exactly that… a disease that spreads now matter how much you try to contain it! I have watched over the years endless people made to feel bad because some GAY boyfriend (namely Rushy) who thinks this is the most super awesome time ever sends all kinds of superly gay presents and does gay things for Bird-shit…. And then there is some poor sap sitting at home mapping out which bridges she can jump off because no one bought her chocolates or sent a card. This holiday was created to make single people feel bad (which doesn’t make sense, because if you are single you should feel bad all the time because no one loves you). Also, think about how much a restaurant hikes up the prices for VD, usually the price is double. So, again those who celebrate this disease, I can go and get the same meal as you tomorrow and pay half the price mwahahahahahahaha.. oh, I’m not limited to 4 things on the menu either. I’m just saying….. Roses suddenly become $100 a dozen for something you can pick up at the grocery store for $10 any other day. There was a time I was sold on this whole VD disaster of a day.. but no more!! I will resist all temptations to eat more chocolate and pay double for shitty food and most importantly, will take a nice vacation with all the money I save on not celebrating VD ever again! AND just to clear a few things up, I am married.. so I’m not some single wrist slitter sitting home wallowing in my own self pity. I know I can’t be the only one out there who thinks it’s a big fat rip off. VD haters of the world unite! I feel liberated. I knew I would someday marry my hubby when I asked him if he had to celebrate VD and he said no!!!! BITE ME VD LOVERS (every time I wrote VD I giggled because it’s dirty, just like Bird-shit).

Cupid, Save My Sister!!!

2011-02-14T05:30:00.000-08:00

HAPPY VD Everyone!!! hehehe I said VD! Some people hate this holiday (YES HOLIDAY to you haters out there), but I love it. I get spoiled rotten by Rushy, he's such a sappy romantic. Our older sister, Ama-blah, is one of the people who hates Valentine's Day. She says it's too commercialized and you shouldn't have to have a specific day to be nice to the person you love. I would like to go on record and say that these are not my views and if Rushy ever reads this,"if you don't get me presents you will die. Literally, I will kill you and you will die." The funny thing about Ama-blah is, I remember back when I was a teenager and she loved the holiday. She's the epitome of girlie girl and pink is her favorite color. I am beginning to think something tragic must have happened to make her turn on Cupid the way she has. Could it be she almost died by licking expired glue of Valentine's Day cards for her loved ones? Was she perhaps eating those candy conversation hearts and choked (preferably the one that says EAT ME lol)? Did she consume some undercooked meat at romantic Valentine's Day dinner? What happened to her on that fateful February 14th to make her turn her back on the holiday of LOVE? Did a man dressed up as Cupid actually shoot her with a real arrow or shove said arrow up her ass repeatedly? Um...it it weird that I am turned on by that? So....anyway....I NEED ANSWERS!!!!!!!!!!

Urban Dictionary Letters N - Z

2011-02-13T05:30:00.000-08:00

Continued from yesterday...
Nomonym - When you eat something and it tastes like something else. Things often taste like chicken but chicken rarely tastes like other things.
One Cheek Bench Sneak - The easing out of flatulency gently, usually when sitting down, so as not to attract undue attention.
Pearl Necklace - the act of ejaculating semen onto your partner's neck, they then appear to be wearing something that resembles a pearl necklace.
Question Fart - A fart which sounds as if the inflection raises toward it's end, exactly as you would do with your voice when asking a question.
Raptor Jesus - Nowere in the bible does it say that jesus isnt a raptor.
Stall Stall - In public bathrooms, the act of remaining in a bathroom stall after having completed one's business, in order to maintain anonymity (whether by avoiding someone who has entered later, or finished sooner), or the state of being delayed under such circumstances. Also the act of delaying defecation until the bathroom is empty.
Traffic Tetris - When you come to a stoplight and make the conscious decision to avoid getting behind a dumptruck or semi and opt for the lane with 10 vehicles instead of just two so you're sure to move sooner when the light turns green.
Upper Decker - The act of defecating into the upper tank of a domestic toilet.
Vatican Roulette - Unprotected sex in which the male pulls out prior to ejaculation. Also known as the pull and pray method. Of dubious effectiveness in comparison to condoms or birth control.
Weiner Cousins - When two men have had sex with the same woman/women, they become weiner cousins. This is a bond that can never be broken.
XBOX Live Whore - Xbox Live whores will attempt to gain attention by whoring on everyone they have played. Unfortunately, this is usually eight year old boys with high-pitched voices and an attitude to insist they will own you one v one.
Yellow Listed - a person who does not wash their hands after urinating is placed on the 'yellow list', or they are 'yellow listed'.
Zack Morris Phone - One of those 8 pound cell phones that resembles a brick. These devices were primarily made by Motorola in the mid to late 1980's. Zack Morris (a.k.a. Mark-Paul Gosselaar) regularly used these giant "portable" phones on the popular syndicated show, "Saved By The Bell."

Urban Dictionary Letters A - M

2011-02-12T05:30:00.000-08:00

Just bored and looking through Urban Dictionary. Just thought I would share some of my fav's (I have not done all of these...don't think I am that sick please LOL)I can't believe they have a name for some of these things.

Alabama Hot Pocket - When a man excretes fecal matter into a female's vagina.
Blue Waffle - The most disgusting,repulsive,vile vaginal disease known to man; Female Genitals with a blue crusty tint
Cosby Sweater - The sexual act of eating Fruit Loops, Fruity Pebbles, Trix, and Boo Berry- or any other 'bright, colorful' breakfast cereals- and then vomitting the tacky, dazzling mixture onto your partners chest. The result should look similar to the incredible sweaters that Bill Cosby wore during his highly successful 1980's sitcom "The Cosby Show".
Do I smell Popcorn? - Phrase uttered when you have passed a particularly pungent bubble of gas that you are so proud of you want everyone to take a deep whiff.Eau D'ouche - The obnoxious, headache-inducing cologne cloud that surrounds a beefy, tight-Armani-shirt wearing dude.
Feltching - To remove sexual fluids from partners anus via sucking or licking.Gate Rape - The TSA airport screening procedure.
Head Splinter - A painfully annoying song that gets stuck in your head, in extreme cases, impeding everyday tasks.
Intexicated - Describes people who drive while sending text messages on their phones.
Jingle Bowels - Gastrointestinal woes following a night of holiday overindulgence.
Keep Fucking That Chicken - Coined by television anchor Ernie Anastos during a live broadcast of the Fox 5 New York local news. (See videos on YouTube.)
Lemon Party - To set someones home page to www.lemonparty.org without their knowledge and thereby give them a suprising dose of old man gay orgy when they return to their computer.
Mung - the act of digging up a recently deceased woman and putting your mouth up to her vaginal orfice while someone else stomps on her stomach forcing all of the fluids (from the vagina) into your mouth.

SLEEPOVER!!!

2011-02-11T05:17:00.000-08:00

I had one of my best friends sleep over last night. She's so hot and has the biggest boobs EVER. We talked about boys, painted each others fingernails, had pillow fights, followed by modeling thongs for each other, and then totally made out. Ok, none of that stuff happened, my mom actually spent the night. Momma Quinn has been a bit down lately. She's on disability and doesn't really leave the house much, except to take Grandpa shopping and to his doctors appointments. She had a wee bit of the winter blues/cabin fever. Since Rushy is in Pittsburgh for work, I asked good ole Momma to come spend the night at my place. I spoiled her rotten. I bought her our favorite pizza and made it for our dinner. It's the Chef Boyardee Pizza Kit or as we call it Yummy Pizza:

If you have never tried this stuff, go to the store now and buy it. It will change your life...FACT. Then I made her nightly tea for her (vanilla chai with 3 Splenda and cinammon vanilla creamer). We watched her NCIS marathon (I totally have a girl crush on Pauley Perrette). She also brought some laundry to my house and I washed it, dryed it, and folded it for her. I offered to let my mom sleep in my bed, but she said no, she preferred the couch. I made up a nice bed for her and gave her all my most comfy cozy blankets. She was as snug as a bug in a rug. I am the best daughter in the whole entire world...no, better yet, Universe!!!!!!!! SUCK ON THAT BABY CACA and AMA-BLAH!!!

***if you all get a chance, go over and check out Jewels at Turning 30: A Journey of Self Exploration. She's awesome and is so close to breaking the 100 followers barrier. Her post today about older men made me SWOON lol

My Version of the Bucket List

2011-02-10T05:30:00.000-08:00

***before we begin the Bucket List, Baby Caca and I hit a milestone. We FINALLY reached 100 followers!!! Not only that but we reached 102! Thank you everyone for stopping by and being a part of our crazy world xoxoxoxoxo

Most people have just a list of things they want to do before they die. I am no exception, but mine isnt' really things I want to do, but places I want to drink. I call mine the "Drinking Bucket List" (took FOREVER to come up with that title). Of course I want to go to Jamaica, Cancun, Ireland, Londan, blah blah blah. I'm talking about just places where I want to go during a specific time, for a specific reason. Here's some of the places in the Good ole USA that I have in mind, in no particular order:

Punxsutawney, PA - Groundshog Day see Punxsutawney Phil and get wasted with the lil dude!

South Bend, IN - Notre Dame University with my Grandpa and see a football game

New Orleans, LA - during Mardi Gras and party on Bourbon Street

Key West, FL - hang at the original Margaritaville

Boston, MA - St. Patty's day for the parade and the Pub Crawl

Killington, VT - This one is for Rushy because he loves to ski. He's been there before but I haven't. He can ski, I will drink in the lodge. I like snow and mountains as long as I am inside warm with beer in hand.

Memphis, TN - I want to see Graceland and tip some out for my homie Elvis

Philadelphia, PA - wait, let me finish. I know I live in the area, but there is something I have always wanted to do. I want to rent a hotel room on Broad Street for New Years Eve and then watch the Mummers Parade from a nice heated spot with a bathroom. Also, not have to worry about cops giving me a hard time for drinking.

I'm sure some of you were wondering "what about Las Vegas". Nah, not really in to gambling and hookers. This is all I've got so far. I'm sure lots more will be added to the list as I get older! Any of my bloggy peeps out there have any place they might like to make me aware of for my Drinking Bucket List?

Booze Bowl - From What I Remember

2011-02-09T05:30:00.000-08:00

Quick recap:

We drank a lot...did lots of shots, drank lots of beer, listened to a band, I passed out at the bar, spent 2 hours in the trunk of my car passed out. THE END!

Booze Bowl hoodie logo

8 am shots (there were many more to follow)
Chugging the 16 oz Bud Light
Chugging the 12 oz Bud Light

Bud Light Unicorn

Rocking out to Blackthrorn Unicorn by The Unicorn

***According to Baby Caca I also did the following things:

1. Danced by myself (not unusual for me),

2. Licked the cook at the bar (hopefully it was his face, she still hasn't made that very clear),

3. Passed out in my trunk (I know that's mentioned above, but I did it twice)

4. Ate Dorito's in her bed (which I could tell the next day when I heard a bunch of crunching when I rolled over)

5. Made her order me pizza because I was hungry and didn't eat any of it when it arrived (in my defense, I would have vomited it up anyway, she would have then had to clean up the mess...see I was thinking of her!!!)

6. Locked her out of her bedroom and made her sleep on her couch (I always lock my doors at home, so it's just a habit).

We Would Like To Thank The Academy

2011-02-08T05:30:00.000-08:00

First and foremost we would like to thank ourLord and saviour Jesus Christ (or whoever you worship), for without him none of this would be possible.
Baby Caca and I were given an award by Adorably Distracted!!! She really is adorable, so check her out...Thanks girlie!!!

There are 4 duties which must be
performed when you receive this award
1. Thank and link back to the person who send you this award. (see above)
2. Share 7 things about yourself (just did the 30 day challenge, read those posts)
3. Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers. (I can't narrow it down to 15, I would feel bad leaving anyone out)
4. Contact the bloggers you picked and let them know about the award! (I think everyone deserves the award...you have just been contacted)

Also, not too long ago Make Daddy A Sammich gave us an award too...Thank you too!!! I have a really bad memory and just remembered about it now...Sorry! Check him out, promise you won't be disappointed!This award also comes w/ rules I'm not going to follow...laziness, just pure laziness! Also, I'm a total rebel, I don't abide by rules.

***also, we are SOOOO close to having 100 followers! wow only took us almost 3 years LOL Thanks everyone who make blogging so much fun and read all the non-sense we write about.

******Booze Bowl pictures will be posted tomorrow along with the pictures...WOOOHOOOO

Tip a 40 for my Homies

2011-02-07T05:30:00.000-08:00

This was supposed to be Friday's post:

I (Baby Ca) have a problem at work. It's not a problem most people have, like gossipy co-workers, piles of work sitting on my desk, difficulty meeting deadlines, people heating up fish in the microwave. NO my problem is the window next to my desk. For some reason it is a bird magnet (oh yeah, kind of like my whore twin...bahahahaha). Many a depressed bird has flown into my window on suicide missions. There are currently 3 dead birdie bodies decaying outside of my window. It's quite a lovely sight. I decided something needed to be done about them, but there was no way I was going to do it. I'm not touching dead birds and risk getting the bird flu or some other stupid bird disease. Instead, I sent this out to the administrative assistant (who is 60 years old...and the owners sister) yesterday:

Work Order #1 2/3/11 8:36 AM
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Job #
BD1101
Show:
“Mysterious” Bird Massacre
Client Name:
Bird Duty
Event Dates:
February 3, 2011
Client Contact:
Tweety Bird
Location:
Garden of Death

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

ATTN:

Please clean the frozen animal carcasses from the Garden/Walkway of Death.

Also, please send out an e-mail that we will be having a brief moment of silence today at 2:00 to commemorate our fallen comrades. You will need to go to the local beer distributor and pick up 10 cases of 40oz malt liquor and hand it out to all company employees so we can tip a 40 to our bird homies memory.

Thank you.

Yes, I know...way to keep it professional. F it...that's how I roll...lol!

* I am also DD for Booze Bowl 2011. I will take notes of Bird-Shit's drunken shenanigans *

Booze Bowl 2011

2011-02-03T05:30:00.000-08:00

Every Superbowl Friday, Philadelphia has the annual Wing Bowl. Rushy and all of his friends get to the stadium at 3 to start tailgating the event. Then they visit every strip club in the city and get completely shit faced. Usually when he gets home later that night, he is the most annoying drunk and I can't stand him. Most of the time it's because I'm jealous he's been drinking all day and I'm stuck at work. This is because Rushy has banned me from going to the Wing Bowl because he said he doesn't want to have to worry about guys grabbing all over me...I think it's just because he doesn't want me to see him looking at boobies. LOL I used to go to the Wing Bowl before I met him and no one grabbed on me, but this is his tradition with his buddies so I don't give him a hard time about it. I have come up w/ a solution though. My friend The Unicorn and I have decided to start our own tradition. Since all the bars will be open early in Philly that day, we are going to take advantage of it. Most of the guys will be at the strip clubs so us chicks will take advantage of the other places open. This year will be the 1st official "Booze Bowl". This time tomorrow I will be fast on my way to getting hammered! We even got sweatshirts made up taht say "Booze Bowl 2011: you can't drink all day unless you start in the morning". WE ARE AWESOME! For all of you who have to work, I will drink a few for you. See, I'm always thinking of others!
***Also, since I will be w/The Unicorn, we will be creating some from the list of suggestions the other day!

Sewiously!!!

2011-02-02T05:30:00.000-08:00

Recently my GC decided to delete her profile on Facebook. It only lasted a day, Thank God! GC and I make fun of this cartoon where the one character can't pronounce his R's. I won't lie, we are total idiots and talk like this all the time. We've even started having conversations like this when we are out in public. I had a conversation with her on facebook that day and before anyone could read it, she was gone, along w/ all of her comments. This is what it looked like when she was posting on my status and I was responding:

Bird Shit Facebook status: It's been Brangelissamy week, I love my besties!!! Can't wait to see you girls tomorrow ♥

GC - YAYYYYY!!!!!!
Bird Shit - I expect lots of leg humps and forking
GC - And chocolate wings, horse stomping laughs and pictures of course!!! ♥
Bird Shit - I hope you awe being sewious!!!
GC - Vewy sewious! Kawate in the gawage too!
Bird Shit - Dwinking beews
GC - And mawgawitas...not weally, it just has an R in it LOL
Bird Shit - Wum and diet
GC - Wed bull
Bird Shit - I suwe am thiwsty

This is what it looked like after she deleted her Facebook:

Bird Shit Facebook status: It's been Brangelissamy week, I love my besties!!! Can't wait to see you girls tomorrow ♥

Bird Shit - I expect lots of leg humps and forking
Bird Shit - I hope you awe being sewious
Bird Shit - Dwinking beews
Bird Shit - Wum and diet
Bird Shit - I suwe am thiwsty

I looked like a wetawd and fwiendless talking to myself!!!

****************Update*******************
GC has deleted her Facebook again...my world is coming to an end!!!

........My bloggy homie over at Not Worth Mentioning has made us Blog of the Day!!! Check him out, you won't be disappointed! Sewiously go!!!!

Tat-uesday

2011-02-01T05:30:00.000-08:00

Per the request of an awesome fellow blogger, I am going to feature my tattoo's. I have made tattoo mistakes in the past. I have had a few I didn't really think through and just went and got them on a whim...I was usually drunk...in some random dudes basements. Since my buddy has been working at a legit tattoo shop now, I have gotten my mistakes turned into works of art. I have one more to get covered and then I'm done. Well at least done w/ the covers, still have lots of work to go on my back piece. I decided to share them with you so you can see how ridiclously cool I am...LOL

Before - I hate all the lettering, nothing is even

Stencil
After - St. Brigid's Cross, LOVE!!!
Before - I was very drunk and so was the guy doing the tattoo. I wasn't too drunk to know I hated it immediately

Stencil

After - my awesome Celtic knot work!

******** Another wintery mix is on it's way! I am thrilled, just thrilled!!!

The Many Moods of a Unicorn

2011-01-31T05:30:00.000-08:00

I'm not really sure how this all started, but I sent these pictures to my friend (who shall be known in this blog as The Unicorn) every once in a while. Usually when she's having a bad day and needs a laugh. I really wish I could remember how it all came about, but most likely I was drunk the day it all started. I send these "unicorn" pictures to her depending on what mood I am in. This is a very popular album on my facebook page...people can't get enough of them. I even have requests for Unicorns and have people send me pictures of their own unicorns. Something as stupid as a pen at my forehead has turned into a phenomenon!

In a Shitty Mood Unicorn Too MuchCaffeine UnicornI Don't Feel Good Unicorn
Gangsta Unicorn

I NEED EGGS AND MILK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-01-28T05:30:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday Bloggy Homies!!! It's been a wintery mix the past few days and looks like more snow is coming my way. YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! For those of you that don't live in areas where snow happens let me tell you about how a lot of people act when snow is on the forecast. They panic and run to the store and stock up on food like they will be stuck in the house for A WHOLE YEAR. The things they stock up on most are eggs, milk, and bread. I don't know if they are going to be eating a lot of French Toast or bread cereal or eat lots of egg sandwiches w/ a big ole glass of milk. The possibilities are endless!!! The past 2 times it's snowed where I live, I was actually one of those people that had to go to the store. Not because I thought I wouldn't be able to leave my house for A WHOLE YEAR, but because I ran out of ingredients. The one time Rushy and I ran out of milk. We desperatly needed some for our cereal. DESPERATELY!!!!!! The Cinnamon Life and Frosted Flakes were taunting us from the cabinet. I was embarrassed to go to the store and get the milk. I didn't want the check out people to think I was one of "those" people. In my mind I reasoned "if you buy the little carton of milk, they will know you don't think the world is going to end". I could tell by the look in her eyes she thought I was one of "them". I wanted to explain, but instead I hung my head and did a different kind of walk of shame to my car. The next snow storm I needed eggs...WHY ME!???!!!??? I was starting having a panic attack just thinking of the judging stares I would get walking to the egg aisle. This time I was smarter though. I didn't go to a checkout person. NO folks, I went to the self checkout line. There was no one there to judge me but myself....also, just in case anyone was watching me get the eggs, I grabbed the little carton just to prove a point.

Beautiful Boooooooobs

2011-01-27T05:30:00.000-08:00

Since you all now know about me and my beautiful boobs from yesterday's post, I will now tell you about how I embarrassed myself because of them. I was trying to set up a lunch date with an old co-worker of mine and a few other co-workers. I am sort of friendly with the guy, but I think he has a little bit of a crush on me. It was awkward at times, but I always managed to keep him at arms length and never led him on. At the same time I was texting my GC setting up a date with her. I ended up texting her "I'll make sure I wear something extra slutty so you can look at my beautiful booooooobs." I get a response back "nice, I love slutty (looking) aggressive woman. Look forward to it. What time were you looking to meet up?" I laughed and wrote back "8 or 9 dummy, we've already discussed this." Then I get the text back "I don't remember discussing a time, but that seems sort of late for lunch." I was really confused at this point and then realized I text the old co-worker about my beautiful boooooobs. My face turned bright red and I started sweating really bad. I sent a text to the guy apologizing and told him I meant to send the text to one of my girlfriends and he wrote back "oh you wear slutty stuff for your friends. Are you on the other team or just experiment?" I never wrote back. Needless to say cancelled lunch and will probably never talk to the dude again. I bet he wacked off to my beautiful boooooobs. I feel so dirty!

***the roads were so crappy because of all the stupid snow so I stayed home from work today. I will be blog stalking you all. Don't be scared, feel loved!

Chocolate Wings

2011-01-26T05:30:00.001-08:00

HI FOLKS! Back to our regularly scheduled blogging. This was the night my GC saw my BEAUTIFUL BOOOOOOOOBS. I pregamed before the bar with 2 bottles of wine and was hammered before we even got there. We only had $10 between the 3 of us which worked out ok. I was already hammered and didn't need to drink, Baby Caca was drinking $2 PBR's, and GC was pregnant. As the night progressed you can see my levels of drunk.

IDK is Baby Caca is trying to shut me up or pick my nose. Probably trying to shut me up because I was belting out every song that came on the juke box. At least I didn't try to bite her finger, I tend to do that.
I have drunk eyes and am making my stupid "funny" drunk faces. They just seem funny when I am drunk. I am feeling no pain and was fast on my way to owning the dance floor...alone. if I had a hoodie on, it would have been up by now. When I get shit faced and am wearing a hoodie, that's how you know I have reached the point of no return.

Pecking at my beer like a chicken w/ Chocolate Wings. The song from The Offspring - Pretty Fly (for a white guy) came on and I was singing it.

The lyrics "At least you know you can always go on Ricki Lake" somehow got misheard as "At Least you know you can always go eat Chocolate Wings."
GC drives what I call "the shaggin wagon" and I was trying to ride in the WAY back. I got part of the way there, but there was a bike in the back (hope you got a big trunk cause I'm gonna stick my bike in it - 40 year old virgin).

When we got back to Baby Caca's apartment, I was on the verge of passing out. I immediately went to her bedroom and was sprawled out on the bed. GC was supposed to sleep in the bed that night because she was pregnant but my drunk ass wasn't thinking straight. I called my GC into the bedroom and I don't know why but she had to see my boobs. I was wearing a tube top so I told her to "look at my beautiful boooooooobs" and flashed her. She totally wants me!!! LOL I ended up passing out and woke up w/ a horrible hangover. It was worth it though because of the Chocolate Wings and Beautiful BOOOOOOOBS memories.

***tomorrow I will tell you how my beautiful booooooobs embarrassed me

******it's snowing here AGAIN! UGHHHHHH I actually drove in to work today, I will not be staying the whole day. It's supposed to get worse, YUCK!

•Day 30- Who are you?

2011-01-25T05:30:00.000-08:00

The end of the 30 day Challenge that wasn't really 30 days because I am not good to sticking to deadlines unless someone is on my ass every 5 seconds making me do it and then I usually act like a little kid and don't do it just to prove that no one can tell me what to do....nice run on sentence huh!!! This challenge started out fun, but towards the end I got super bored. I want to write about dumb shit again, I don't like structure.

This question reminds me of the part from Zoolander.

Derek Zoolander: Who am I?
Dereks Reflection: I dont know.
Derek Zoolander: I guess I have a lot of things to ponder.

I love that movie. Anyway, I think I have written enough about Bird Shit. How about my bloggy homies tell me who I am?

•Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

2011-01-24T05:30:00.000-08:00

What have I learned during this time? I learned that I am bad a meeting deadlines, since this was only supposed to be a 30 day challenge. I doubled that time. I also learned that I need to take some vitamins so I don't get sick as much. Seriously, I am tired of being sick. 2011 has been pretty shitty so far. That's pretty much it. I haven't had any life changing realizations from taking this challenge. I am actually annoyed with it and can't wait until it's over tomorrow. I am glad that some new readers got to know us better through this. It was a great way to get back into blogging again after the break Baby Caca and I took (cough cough which she's still on cough cough). So that's it, I am uninspired to write anything else for Day 29. I will be honest with you guys too...tomorrow, Day 30, won't be much better LOL

•Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

2011-01-19T05:30:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of me last year. Such a vision of health!!! I actually cared enough to put makeup on, do my hair, find something cute to wear. Yes folks, the good old days. When a gal could get dressed up and go get obnoxiously drunk with her friends. Singing karaoke and knowing there's a talent scout out there ready to sign me because of my spectacul stage presence. Oh how I miss you Bird Shit of last year.Fast Forward to this year. This is a picture of how the year has been so far. A breathing maching, no makeup, and my daily uniform of hoodies and sweatpants. How I long for the days of makeup and fashionable clothing. It's slowly coming back...I am no longer hacking up globs of goo and sweating profusely from a fever. It seems the end of this rein of sickly terror is in sight. Soon I shall have a frosty beer mug in my hand and grab random asses and boobs. It's really the only thing that keeps me going...LOL

•Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

2011-01-18T05:30:00.000-08:00

I am seriously SOOOO over this 30 day challenge. It's somehow extended to almost 2 months. it's almost over though and then back to our regular blogging. So here's goes, this is why we decided to do that challenge. When Baby Caca and I took a break, we were just burnt out from blogging. It was becoming more of a chore then something we actually enjoyed doing. After we came back from our break, lots of the bloggers we read seemed to take breaks too or just deleted them all together. We started to read new blogs and slowly got back into the swing of things. Well, I have, Baby Caca is still MIA. What better way for out new readers to get to know us then through this challenge. I have to say, it's a lot more mellow than I expected. I guess since I haven't been able to drink since I've been sick, not much has happened. So please new readers, stick with us. We promise it will be worth the wait. Crap, I just put a lot of pressure on myself. I take it back, just stick around because if you don't, I will find you...(cue evil laughter)

•Day 26- What you think about your friends (the boys)

2011-01-17T05:30:00.000-08:00

I feel as though I didn't give the boys any love. My guy besties are the bees knees! They would do anything for us girls and defend our honor when we are out getting drunk...actually, they just sit there and laugh at how obnoxious we are. I don't have nickname for the guys, we just either call them by their last name or first name...LAME huh:

This guy wants to marry into my family. He will marry whoever is available just so can remain a part of us forever. We made him an honorary Quinn just because he's so awesome! We always make Asain jokes to him because he's not of the Asain persuasion. He makes fun of himself too, he dressed up like the "guy who throws a shoe" from Austin Powers for Halloween one year.

This is the guy that does my tattoo's. We dated briefly, which neither of us remembers much about because we were on drugs the entire time...A lot of drugs. When he broke up w/ me, I met him at the bar. He puts a beer on my tab and then says "we need to talk". LOL We turned out to be better friends anyway, he hooks me up w/ free tattoos I've helped him out when he's needed money to move back home from Florida. How many ex's can you say do that?
He is the DJ for all of my family functions and works for us for free. We went to high school together and even walked down the gradution aisle together. He's the guy I made the let's get married if we both aren't married pact with. We decided the proper age would be 90. We've planned our whole early bird, soft food, and naps ceremony.

•Day 26- What you think about your friends

2011-01-14T05:30:00.000-08:00

My friends are the most amazing people alive!!! They have all been there for me during my highs and lows. Picked me up and didn't let me dwell over break ups. I would be so lost w/out these girls, I love them all more than they will ever know. We've had so many amazing drunk times together. Other friends come and go but I know these are the friends I will have around for the rest of my life. I will show you pictures of each of my besties and tell you a little something about them:

Tyrone/Gretel

For those of you who have followed our blog for a while you already know Tyrone. We have been friends with her since Elementary School, I have no idea why. We have tortured this girl and still she comes back for more. To get to know her better, click the Guest Blogger and Stupid Baby labels at the bottom and get a better understanding of why I can't understand our friendship LOL

Chicken, Ass Cheek, Ninja Poop, and Cwackel Bawwel

I started out hating her (she was dating my ex). Once they stopped seeing each other, we had mutual friends and started hanging out in the same group. We ended up hitting it off and have been besties ever since. People who don't know her tend to not like her. They say she comes off snobby, which is totally false. She's getting married in June! She's led a somewhat sheltered life, but that all changed when she met me.

G.C.-Girl Crush, Gwail, Baby Donk
She started out as MOFO's friend and was introduced to our group on a game night. We were game night partners, we called ourselves the Dream Team. We totally kicked ass that night and hit if off immediately. She's a momma of 2 (the newest one just born in December). She's the youngest out of all the gals and as she's said a bit spoiled...wait no she said "instant gratification wanter". She spreads the wealth though, she's treated me to many Date Nights.

L.P.-Life Partner

I've known her since Middle School. We lost touch for a while after high school but found each other on myspace and picked up where we left off. She just got married last March and is a momma of 4. I don't know how she hasn't lost her mind by now, she is constantly running around because her kids are involved in so many activities.

Sole Sister
I met her when I turned 21 from hanging out at the bar we all go to (still do). I fell in love w/ her and her boyfriend (they are married now and have 2 kids). They were just so awesome together and we all just became one big happy bar family. Eventually we started hanging out w/ just the girls and leaving the boys at home.

MOFO/Mita

She moved in next door to me when I was in high school. She started hanging out with my older sister, then my mom, and then Baby Ca and I. She's like a part of my family, my grandpa loves her and her boobs (she always makes him motorboat them when he sees her). She's the one in the group that tells it like it is.

SNO-MG

2011-01-13T05:46:00.000-08:00

Once again kiddo's it snowed where I live. Also, once again the plow trucks didn't come dig my apartment complex out until around 2 in the afternoon. I wasn't able to go to work (boo hoo I am so sad LOL) and was able to do nothing but sleep all day long. I almost slept for a whole 24 hours but had to get up to pee twice and eat. My stomach woke me up because it was growling so I devoured a bowl of cereal, looked at my boyfriend and waved, and stumbled back to bed. It was glorious! I feel so rested today!!! I actually woke up on time for work and fixed my hair. Someone asked me if I got a haircut. I said "no I just brushed it today." I guess now they know how I got that "just rolled out of bed" look...it's literally because I just rolled out of bed. Usually during snow days I get completely shit faced drunk, but since I've been sick, I haven't been able to drink. It's been almost 3 weeks, this may be a new record for me. I am still on antibiotics until Sunday. I feel bad for anyone who gets in my way of drinking after I take that last pill. It's going to be EPIC! The snow does put me in a pretty crappy mood, I really just hate it. I think it's pretty when it's coming down, but I hate how cold it is, how I can't drive in it, how it makes me slip and fall! I hate it as much as I hate squirrels...they are tied in hatred in my book. So between the snow, not being able to drink, and the Eagles losing on Sunday, I have been in a crappy mood. I predict happier moods ahead though!!!

•Day 25- What I would find in your bag

2011-01-11T05:30:00.000-08:00

My purse is such a freaking mess. I am not very organized and constantly have to dig for things. You would find a lot of bar receipts. I tend to go to the bar...a lot...a whole lot. I hardly ever carry cash so I always start a tab and at the end of the night, I sign my tab and take my receipt and crumble it into my purse. I have my makeup case that is about the same size of my purse. I carry around most of my makeup because you never know when you are going to need to make touch ups. Can't have on my subtle daytime makeup when I am going out at night! I have a bunch of loose change which makes my purse pretty heavy. I only empty the change out every other month and don't spend the change. Rushy and I save it and buy ourselves a cool present once we fill up the change jug. Also, you would find an extra pair of earrings. I feel off if I don't have a pair of earrings in and if I forget to put them in before I leave the house, I know I have a spare in my purse. I do have this eraser that my grandpa found one day and gave it to me. He said it was a lucky eraser...I can't bring myself to get rid of it. That's pretty much it. Nothing interesting, just a bunch of junk!

•Day 24- A letter to your parents

2011-01-10T05:30:00.000-08:00

I'm still sick, but am motivated enough to write just a little something. Here's my letter to my parents:

Dear Momma Quinn,
You are the best mom in the whole wide world. You are my hero and my best friend. You are one of the smartest and funniest people I know. You are also one of the nicest people. There aren't enough good words in the world to describe you. I love you for always being there for me and supporting every stupid decision I have ever made, even if you knew it was wrong. You let me find my own way and never judged me for it. I wish every kid in the world had a mother like you, I think people would be better because of it. I admire you because you raised us alone and we never saw your struggles. You never laid that burden on us, you just put on a brave face and gave us the best life we could possibly have. Love you lots and lots Jummy!!!
Love,
Bird Shit

Dear "Dad",
Whoever the fuck you are...since you didn't stick around to ever meet your own kids. You owe my mom child support, Asshole. I know you want to meet us now that we are adults, but you can eat a dick mother fucker. That will never happen so go fuck yourself.
I hope you die alone,
Bird Shit

Due to Illness

2011-01-06T06:26:00.001-08:00

We're both still sick...WAAAHHHHHHHH

Happy New Years Eve/Day...BLAH BLAH BLAH

2010-12-31T05:30:00.000-08:00

Dear Blog Homies,

It's been a really crappy week. I (Bird Shit) have been sick w/ the flu. That's why I haven't been commenting back or reading any blogs. Please forgive me!!! I just feel so crappy I can't concentrate on anything, it even hurts to blink. I finally went to the doctor's yesterday and got some medication. I will be spending New Years on my couch chugging cough syrup instead of beer. Oh, did I mention my work messed up my paycheck and I'm also broke a the moment? I'm such a freaking joy to be around right now, a real fucking joy! LOL Baby Caca will be spending New Years doing all the things we had planned together: hanging w/ Grandpa and the old folks playing bingo at the Senior Center and then going to our Sole Sisters house and chugging beer (not couch syrup). I am not a happy camper...not happy at all. I hope you all have a wonderful New Years and are able to chug as much alcohol as you possibly can. Do it honor of me!

Hugs and Sloppy Drunk Kisses,

Bird Shit and Baby Caca

•Day 23 (Part 2)- Something you crave for a lot

2010-12-30T05:30:00.000-08:00

BEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baby Caca

•Day 23 (Part 1)- Something you crave for a lot

2010-12-29T05:30:00.000-08:00

I think it's pretty obvious...BEER!!!

Bird Shit

•Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

2010-12-28T05:30:00.000-08:00

HI! Hope everyone had a great Christmas. Ours was actually kind of lame. It wasn't as fun as it usually is but we did have fun later on in the night when a few of our friends stopped my Baby Caca's apartment. We drank every drop of alcohol she had left in her place. Sunday it snowed it's ass off and I wasn't able to get my useless SUV out of it's parking spot so I had to stay home from work yesterday....not like I had a problem with that. I just really fucking hate snow!!! I sat around and drank wine and then Rushy came home and we went out to lunch and met one of my friends at the bar. SOOOOO I don't like this Day 22 Post. I have no clue what makes me different from everyone else. I don't really think I'm that different. I like to drink, I like to sleep, I like Philly sports, I like hanging with family and friends, I hate squirrels, I hate lightening, I hate being broke....I'm just your every day average Miss Somebody. I'm not out to change the world, I don't contribute much to society...maybe I should start recycling? Would that make me different? So that's about it...kind of lame huh. Oh well, I like my life just the way it is!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2010-12-25T05:30:00.000-08:00

Christmas survery stolen from this awesome chick!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot chocolate...of course w/ a little something extra. Usually some Bailey's. Christmas is a day to celebrate Baby Jesus and what better way then to drink!!!
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Wraps everything!!! There is no fun in looking at unwrapped presents. I need the anticipation!
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? All different colors, the more the better. Ghetto that tree up.
4. Do you hang mistletoe? no, don't want that awkward moment where I'm under the mistletoe and my Grandpa is standing next to me...it could get weird
5. When do you put up your decorations? The tree goes up the day after Christmas but the decorations go up on Dec 1st
6. What is your favorite holiday dish? HAM!!! my uncle has a special sauce (get your minds out of the gutter) and it's AMAZING
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? sleeping in the same room as my sisters and us all taking turns guessing what presents we got for Christmas. One year Baby Caca ruined that by letting it slip that we peeked at our presents and knew Ama-blah had made us a doll house LOL
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I think about 3rd grade. I don't remember the exact moment. Wasn't life changing
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? We open 1 gift on Christmas Eve and that's it
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? the main tree we decorate w/ all of our crazy decorations and candy canes and lights. The other tree is a fiberoptic tree and we put our nutcracker decorations on that. The 3rd tree is the Charlie Brown Christmas tree and we have a single red ball on it
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? HATE HATE HATE SNOW!!!!!
12. Can you ice skate? I tried it a few times and almost broke my neck...never again
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Doll house made by our older sister and when we finally got a cabbage patch kid
14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? getting to spend time w/ the family. it's never a dull moment
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? I don't tend to eat dessert during the holiday. Does beer count as a dessert?
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? going over my aunt's house and having the Pollyanna exchange
17. What tops your tree? an angel w/ my face glued on it LOL
18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Giving...as strange as that sounds. Don't get me wrong I love receiving but giving presents to my peeps makes me happiest
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? The Chipmunks - Christmas don't be late
20. Candy Canes? Yes? No? Color? Heck yes, I love the starburst ones
21. Do you feel Christmas is too commercialized? maybe a little, but as long as you still have friends and family around, who cares!!!

2010-12-24T05:30:00.000-08:00

Dear Bloggy Homies,
Since we'll be busy with all the running around and drinking during Christmas, we won't be back until Monday (have a scheduled Christmas survey for tomorrow, nothing special). Hope everyone has a great Christmas (or whatever you celebrate).

Hugs and Love and Leg Humps,

Bird Shit and Baby Caca

•Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

2010-12-23T05:30:00.000-08:00

My 2 most favorite people in the world!!! My niece and my grandpa, they had no idea I was taking this picture. They are total buds. They have nicknames for each other because of where they live. He calls her "town where she lives" Snob (keeping where she lives a secret, never know who reads this LOL) and she calls him River Rat Billy. When my grandmom passed away the first thing they ask was how the other one was taking it. As soon as they saw each other they hugged and cried together and then made each other laugh. It's funny to see him pick on her the same way he picked on us. She gives it right back though, she's a tough kid. It's just awesome to see a great-granddaughter and great-grandfather have such a close relationship.

•Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

2010-12-21T05:30:00.001-08:00

Since the love of my life passed away (RIP Corey Haim)...I will settle for

My Main Man Pots and Pans (aka Rushy)!

When I met him, I was seeing someone. When we started emailing each other I didn't want to like him. I wanted to stay single. He came to hook up my internet, the rest is history.

•Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

2010-12-21T05:30:00.000-08:00

The Origin of Bird Shit:
It began when I was just a wee little child. My names sounds similar to Bird Shit and my mother thought it would be funny to call me that. The name stuck and it's what I am known as...no big story behind it. Also, like my twin, my niece had a hard time saying my name and the ending came out sounding like "shit". I love when kids curse LOL

The Origin of Baby Caca:
It began when she was a wee little 21 year old and our niece was just learning how to talk. She couldn't pronounce her name and it came out as "caca" or "cock". We didn't want our niece to call her "aunt cock" so we thought Caca was better. Since Caca is the youngest we have always called her the baby...hence the name Baby Caca.

So, I have a question for our bloggy peeps. Have any of you actually guessed what our real names are?

•Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

2010-12-20T10:37:00.000-08:00

I'm not one for thinking very far into the future. I don't really have many big plans for myself. I am very content with my life. I like where I live, I like my job, I have no complaints. Of course there is always the typical make more money, nicer car, bigger house and stuff. None of those things that will make or break my happiness though. I guess if I had to pick anything that would make me happier it would be to buy a house and move out of an apartment. Just more room so we could expand the tiki bar we have set up in our dining room. Starting to run out of room under the bar for all of our stolen beer glasses. Also, one day have the whole family move to the beach. I wouldn't go unless my whole family went, because they are my happiness and without them nothing is worth a damn to me. I never really saw myself married and with kids, but if it happens, it happens. Not really making that a goal/plan/dream for my future. Just taking life as it comes at me and living it the best way I know how. I like my slacker lifestyle!

This Bitch Hates the Ditch

2010-12-17T08:10:00.000-08:00

We interrupt this blog to bring you some weather related news. Yesterday at around 1 pm it started snowing in good ole PA. By the time I left work yesterday traffic was insane and parts of I-95 were shut down. Luckily for me I don't take I-95 home, but the road I do take home was jammed from all the redirected traffic. More cars = more chances for car accidents, like the one that happened in front of my work. I was redirected to take the backroads when I left work yesterday. BAD IDEA, VERY BAD IDEA!!! The roads weren't even touched by plow or salt trucks. When I tried to stop at the first stop sign my car slid...and kept sliding...and then spun. I did what I was supposed to do, pumped the breaks, turned into the spin, but still managed to end up crashing into a ditch. Did I mention I have a SUV and don't have 4 wheel drive because the guy at the dealership talked me out of it??? Yeah, he told me I wouldn't need it! I hate him...I hate him so much! After a half hour I got my car out of the ditch and slowly made my way home. Very very very slowly. With all the traffic, I didn't really have a choice but to do 5 miles the entire ride home. What usually takes me 20 minutes to drive, took me 2.5 hours. Needless to say when I got home I drank 2 bottles of win. I HATE SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

******Want to thank Copyboy for making us blog of the day yesterday! You Rock my Tube Sock!!!

•Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

2010-12-16T05:30:00.000-08:00

I would like to switch lives w/ a billionaire and spend my days on a yacht sipping champagne all day. Add to that a hot billionaire guy so I could bang chicks just to see what an orgasm feels like for a dude. The only thing is that the switch only lasts for a day. I would go back to my normal life and I would be left pissed off as I sip my boxed wine from a plastic cup w/ ice. I will have known the good life and never be satisfied again. I also don’t want to switch lives w/ someone who has made actual important contributions to society. Where is the fun in that? I don’t want that kind of responsibility on my shoulders. I have thought long and hard about this and in all honesty, I want to be someone really screwed up in the head. Someone who really doesn’t seem to give a flying fuck what is going on around him or just simply isn’t aware of his surroundings. Folks, I am talking about the one, the only, Gary Busey!

I have said countless times on facebook in my next life I want to come back as Gary Busey's teeth because they make me so happy. They are magnificent!!! I just want to see all the magical things that go on in that amazing brain of his. It is probably like being all the best drugs in the world, but not having to worry about OD'ing. Just for one day I want to live life completely bat shit crazy and not get arrested or locked in the nut hut. People would just say "eh it's ok, it's just Gary Busey".

•Day 16- Another picture of yourself (baby pic!)

2010-12-15T05:30:00.000-08:00

aren't we the ugliest little things you have ever seen? We look like rats with shark fins! All 4lbs of us...my poor mom! Baby Ca is the one on the left with her hand up ready to bitch slap me. I am cowering in fear. Things are still like that now, she has all the power (even if I am bigger than her and can kick her ass). As I have said before...I am Baby Caca's bitch!

We eventually did get cuter...SEE!!!

•Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

2010-12-14T05:30:00.000-08:00

Here's the awesomeness that's on my IPOD:

1. The Dan Band - Total Eclipse of the Heart (from the movie Old School)
2. The Clash - Rock the Kasbah (the sheep don't like it, lock the cashbox, stop the cat box)
3. Anthrax - Got the Time
4. Toto - Africa
5. 2 Hype Brothers and a Dog - Doo Doo Brown
6. Digital Underground - Doowutchyalike
7. Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam - I Wonder if I Take You Home
8. Slick Rick - Children's Story
9. Samantha Fox - I Wanna Have Some Fun
10. Pantera - Cemetery Gates

Rushy downloads songs on my IPOD for me because I am too lazy to do it (also clueless). I am glad none of the dorky songs popped up...like Ace of Base - The Sign or Paula Abdul - Rush Rush...crap now you know they are on there!

•Day 14- A picture of you and your family

2010-12-13T05:30:00.000-08:00

Grandma and Grandpa...The ones who started it all The Family

Most of us are hiding our beers in this picture LOL

For any outsider looking in our family may seem a bit “off”….perhaps a little “touched”…..We were raised in a unique environment. We grew up in our Grandparents house with pretty much our entire family. That’s right, I think there were probably 10 or so people living there at a time….we had 1 bathroom. Looking back it was slightly dysfunctional but that’s just us….a little quirky…a lot of fun! There’s always a story to tell and always a memory to share. Holiday’s are the best because that’s when we get to relive those special moments that made us as close as we are today. Granted it’s not the type of memory filled with love and joy and caroling…..Nope, our memories are filled with a house with no heat, hot water, and rats and squirrels running through that walls.

•Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

2010-12-10T05:30:00.000-08:00

I have to preface this letter/email for you bloggy friends out there. Baby Ca and I went to a class reunion with our family and Rushy's family. We grabbed Rusy's brothers girlfriends (aka Rat Teeth) purse and camera off a table because the place was closing and we didn't see her around. Baby Ca and I were then accused of trying to steal her stuff. Rat Teeth and I were close and it really hurt me that she thought I would try to steal from her. So this is an email I wrote her recently because she has been texting me like nothing is wrong, but then still talking shit to Rushy about us stealing from her. Also, Rushy's brother got in my face that night and SCREAMED like a lunatic calling me a thief. This is the same brother that yelled at me in this blog post.

"Dear Rat Teeth (I used her real name),
Honestly, I don't want to keep pretending that everything is fine. I am still really hurt and bothered by what happened the night of the reunion. I know you still think that my sister and I tried to steal your purse and I'm definitely not ok with that. It's one thing to accuse me of something but to accuse the person who is closest to me of something like that is not something I can get over. I told you what happened that night but you STILL believe that we were trying to steal from you. I can’t believe I have to repeat myself when I say that the only reason the stuff was picked up off the table was so someone wouldn’t take it. That is what friends do, watch out for each other. I don’t take back what we did and I would certainly do it again for one of my other friends. I know my friends would do the same for me and I would appreciate it instead of thinking they were a thief. Now the way Rushy's brother acted towards me that night on your behalf, well that's on Rushy. That's his brother and whichever way they choose to handle it is up to them. As far and me and you go, I thought we were friends but that’s obviously not the case anymore. I really valued our friendship and considered us close but the friends I choose to have would never think that of me or my twin. So when we see each other at Rushy family functions we can be civil and say hi and bye and what not, but as far as us being friends and texting each other or hanging out, I don't see that happening. Damage is done and I am moving past it. I am done talking about this and feeling upset and hurt over it. I have people in my life that know me and what I'm about. "

I wrote this about 3 weeks ago...Never did hear back from her! I'm glad I didn't because like I said, I am moving on. I don't need those kind of people in my life. Rushy has talked to his brother since then and he told him "save your breath, don't try to convince me any different about her. I know she was trying to steal from Rat Teeth (he used her real name as well LOL) and there is nothing you can say to make me think any different." To say I don't like my boyfriends family is an understatement...they are all pretty much like that! If I ever see either of them again, I may just punch them in the face...I tend to do that when pushed too far. Yeah, I'm ghetto White Trash, so what!

•Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one

2010-12-09T05:30:00.000-08:00

Our older sister Ama-blah sent us an email from one of her friends about this blog she had been reading that she thought was SO funny. I have to agree, the blog was funny. Baby Ca and I thought, no KNEW, we were way funnier then those chicks and decided we needed to write our own blog. We wanted to amuse ourselves (tehehehe amuse ourselves), Ama-blah, her co-workers, and a few friends and also find a way to do even less work then we already do during the day. With the craziness of our family, my drunken nights out, and Baby Ca just being, well just being her stupid ass self, we knew we had a lot to write about. We started looking around for free blog templates and found Blogger. We thought it would be best if we didn't use our real names in our blog because we talk shit on way too many people. Only a select few friends know about it and hopefully if we ever get in a fight with them, they won't out us (not in a gay way, not that there's anything wrong with that). We have made a lot of really cool blog friends along the way too. Even going as far as becoming facebook friends and meeting in person. (Shout out to my POO Whisperer aka P.W. - again w/ the 2 letter nicknames! LOL The rest is history, along with the blog that started the whole thing. The chicks who wrote it got in a fight and now it no longer exists.

•Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends

2010-12-08T05:30:00.000-08:00

From front to back and left to right (btw: don't ever wipe like that...you're welcome)

(Girl Crush, Rushy, Baby Caca, Mo Fo, Sole Sister, Bird Shit, Life Partner, and JOOOOOSH)
I have given most of my friend 2 name nicknames. I'm too lazy to write out or even say full names so my clever little initial nicknames work for me.

This picture was taken during one of our many game nights. I know it was a fiesta themed game night because Rushy is drinking some mexican beer that tasted like total ass...um...not that I would know what ass tastes like. Also, we have flowers in our hair because our one friend (not pictured or even invited to game night) made fun of chicks that wear flowers in their hair. He said they are all pathetic and desperate. How did he know...er...I mean, not true, not even a little but true! Life Partner was actually drunk enough to let me hold her baby that night too, pretty brave on her part because I tend to think all of my friends kids ruin my life by being born. I may have been tempted to punt her baby like a football across the room. All they do is keep my friends from drinking for 9 months, stupid responsible parenting. Has no one figured out yet that it's all about ME, ME, ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In this picture, Girl Crush is still pregnant with her little bundle of annoyance, which she gave birth to yesterday. He has a name, Bradley Peter (tehehe Bradley's Peter) or as I like to call him BP, as in the BP Oil Spill. Both were horrible mistakes that wrecked major havoc in my life. Just kidding, that just sounds really mean cause honestly, the BP Oil Spill didn't effect me much.

***Today is Baby Caca's Christmas Party at work...oh shit, should I be politically correct and say "Holiday Party". NAH, F that noise, CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS! I fully expect it to be the usual shit show!

•Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

2010-12-07T05:30:00.000-08:00

I like today's challenge, doesn't involve a lot of thinking. Thinking too much gives me headaches LOL These are the songs I listen to when I'm feeling in these particular moods:

When I'm happy is: Grateful Dead - Chinacat Sunflower. Pretty much any Grateful Dead song will make me happy, but there's just something about Chinacat Sunflower. Love that song...I am smiling just thinking about it.

When I am Sad: Amazing Grace or Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here. Grace was my Grandmom's name and I can't hear that song without thinking about her. She loved the song too and wanted it played at her funeral, which we did! Wish You Were Here reminds me of my Uncle Mike who also passed away, Pink Floyd was one of his favorite bands. I miss them both so much, but am happy they are with each other in a better place!

When I am Bored: Barnes and Barnes - Fish Heads. This song reminds me of when I was a kid watching MTV. My sisters and I loved that song, we thought it was the best song ever written. MTV was so cool back in the day when they actually played music.

When I am Hyped: Run DMC - it's Like That. This song makes me want to be a breakdancer. The beat is so freaking awesome. I am about to bust out some cardboard, my Adidas shell tops, and my Kangol hat. Anyone up for a little breakdance fighting? Hansel, he's so hot right now.

When I am Mad: Pantera - Walk. HELL'S YES! I feel like getting into a drunken brawl right now...ok maybe not a brawl, but the drunk part would be cool.

*******My Girl Crush aka Baby Donk gave birth this moring to a little boy. Her and her boyfriend haven't picked a name for the little guy yet! CONGRATS!!!!!!!!

•Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

2010-12-06T05:30:00.000-08:00

I am proud that I am a damn good grandkid! My grandpa was really down this weekend because my bitch aunt was supposed to come and visit him and never showed up. He was looking foward to getting out and having a few beers with her. I wasn't feeling very well, but I got my ass up off my couch and picked Grandpa up and took him to lunch...also got him drunk! LOL He had a lot of fun chatting with the other bar patrons (my friends/the regulars at the bar). When I went to drop him off thanked me for getting him out of the house and lifting his spirits. The next day was his Senior Citizens Banquet and my mom was supposed to be his date. She was really sick so she called me to see if I would be his date. I said yes, of course!!! He looked so handsome in his green coat and red and green striped tie. He got a lot of compliments from the ladies at the senior center. He told him it was his special jacket he only wears twice a year: for Christmas and St. Patty's Day. After the dinner was over a bunch of the seniors decided to stay and play Bingo. He asked me if I felt like staying and I could tell he really didn't want to leave. We ended up playing Bingo for almost 4 hours. I will say I pissed a lot of the seniors off...I won almost every other game. Note to self-never win Bingo at the senior center when you are not a senior citizen. They get very mean when they lose $3. The very last game we played, my grandpa and I needed the same number. We were sitting there giggling like idiots waiting for them to call the number. Once they did we both screamed BINGO and could not stop laughing. We had such a great day, I love that man so much!!!!!!! (btw, I gave Grandpa all of my Bingo winnings).

•Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

2010-12-03T05:30:00.000-08:00

Gonna be a lot of "air quotes" in this one folks. To be honest, I try not to set any goals for myself. I am a total underachiever and if I set goals, I never follow through. If you look up "slacker" in the dictionary, you'll find a picture of me. Ok, you won't find a picture of me, you will just find the definition of "slacker". The only short term "goal" I have for this month is to FINISH Christmas shopping. That's right folks, FINISH not START. Usually I am the idiot out on Christmas Eve trying to get all my last minute shopping in. Poor Rushy last year I gave him cash and he had to go and get his own present from me because I put if off too long. This year I started early and hope to be home getting drunk on Christmas Eve instead out at the mall annoyed with other idiots like me. I guess another "goal" would be to pay my bills on time...I'm not sure if that's really a goal or if that's just called being a "responsible adult". Who the F really cares though, I'm doing it and proud of it! Think I may have overdid it with the "air quotes", my bad.

•Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

2010-12-02T05:30:00.000-08:00

UGH, I hate getting emotional and sentimental on our blog. We just want to keep it fun and laugh, but once in a while we have to go outside our norm. The Relay for Life was a great experience for my sisters and I to have with our mom. My mom is a single mom and raised us girls alone and has made us especially close with her. She's the only parent we have ever known. It's always been Winnie and her girls, no matter what. When my mom told us she was diagnosed with cancer we were devestated. We were faced with the possibility of not having our mom around. My mom stayed so strong throughout the whole ordeal and never let on to us girls how scared she was. I don't know if I were in her position if I could put on the same brave face. She has since been cancer free for 5 years and we got to celebrate our mom at the Relay for Life. It was very emotional to see her taking her Survivor lap with my niece because my niece was just little when my mom was diagnosed. They are each others best friends and I can't imagine who they would even be without each other. What really impacted me that night was seeing all the Luminary bags with people who have had, have, or passed away from cancer. I actually sat on the track and broke down and cried when I saw the one with my mom's name on it and feeling so lucky that we still have her with us. Some people that were there weren't as lucky as we have been. We are thankful every single day that we still have our mom, our best friend, our hero!!!

•Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

2010-12-01T05:30:00.000-08:00

Does Jem count as a superhero? She had superhero qualities...she had an alter ego, Jerrica Benton. She fought evil, The Misfits and in later episodes The Stingers. She helps the less fortunate, Starlight Foundation for Girls, a foster program. She was the lead singer in a band and had awesome 80's hair, makeup, and clothes. She made me want to be a cartoon character...I actually still want to be. Why Jem you ask? Well I like to sing (even if I suck). Karaoke nights are truly where I shine. Also, she wore awesome makeup. When I was younger I used to try to do my makeup like Jem and ended up looking like a 9 yr old hooker. Oh and she did good deeds and shit...that stuff never really mattered to me even as a kid, but it sounds good to say.

She had a kick ass theme song:

"Jem (jem is excitment) ooh ooh jem (jem is adventue) ooh ooh glamor and glitter, fasion and fame jem, jem is truly outrajous truly truly truly outrajous whoa jem, jem the musics contagious, outrageous jem is my name no one else is the same jem is my... but we're the misfits our songs are better we are the misfits the misfits and we're going to get her...jem, jem is truly outrageous, contagious jem is my name no one else is the same jem is my name jem"

•Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

2010-11-30T05:30:00.000-08:00

(can't stress how much we hated our dresses LOL)

I don't really travel a lot unless it's driving distance because I HATE flying. I haven't flown in years, I will do anything I can do to avoid ever having to do it again. I did take a road trip with my friend to Nebraska once. Why Nebraska you ask? Well because of all the corn fields and other such attractions...ok not really. I have family that lives there and just thought I just wanted to take a road trip. The last road trip I took was to North Carolina...OBX! Best Vacation Ever! We were there for the Inconvience of 2009. We blogged about our time there here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. We don't really expect you to click on every link and read the posts (do it or DIE!!!!!!!!). It was such a great time with the family that we are planning another trip back. I love the beaches around our way in DE and MD, but they have nothing on that place. We had a private beach so we didn't have to look at people in very unfortunate swimsuit choices...um...besides my own. It took my poor family months to recover from the assault on their eyes.

•Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

2010-11-29T05:30:00.000-08:00

LORD, where do I even start. There are so many things I do that I wish I didn't. Is drinking a habit??? I'll just tell people that from now on...I don't have a drinking "problem", I have a drinking "habit." Somehow, it doesn't sound as bad. I will pick one habit that my mom and I have in common...sex for money...wait, that's not a habit either is it? hmmm....anyway, we laugh after everything we say. It could be just a little giggle or a big belly laugh (did I just call myself fat), but there is some sort of laugh sound that comes at the end of every sentence. I am very aware that I do it, but I can't seem to break this habit. I think it makes me sound like the way they portray mental patients on TV. It's SOOOOO annoying and what's worse is I make fun of my mom for doing it. I actually make fun of her for doing the exact same thing I do!!! I blame her for this habit, I must have learned it from her when I was just a small impressionable child. "I learned it from watching you!!!"

Me Mum!!! My niece did our makeup

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

2010-11-25T05:30:00.000-08:00

Dear Bloggy Peeps,

This probably goes withough saying, but we will be very very very drunk today and not able to function. We will also be in a turkey coma. Once we awaken, we will be planning our Black Friday shopping routes. This is very serious business...I have my cooler of beer packed to help me deal with the crowds as we go. We will resume the 30 day challenge on Monday. Hope you all have a very Happy Thanksgiving...give that turkey hell mother F'ers!!!

Hugs and Sloppy Kisses,

The Two Twins

Bird Shit and Baby Ca

•Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

2010-11-24T05:30:00.000-08:00

Girl Crush, Sole Sister, Baby Ca, and Bird Shit
Bird Shit, Baby Ca, Sole Sister, and MoFo

These are Baby Ca and I and our besties! Couldn't find one of all of us in it, so you get the treat of viewing 2 pictures of our awesomeness. We definitely have to have a photo shoot so I can get a picture of the 5 of us. I will go to Wal-Mart and get their professional to take them. He'll shouts things like "are you opposed to nudes? Only way you'll get ahead in this business is to sleep w/ the camera guy"...you know typical stuff they say for the $10.99 package...right? To describe my all of our friends we would have to say they are all the things that friends should be, loyal, sweet, funny, dependable, etc.

We have also gone Hollywood and combined our real names: Brangelissamyca. We're better than Brangelina and Bennifer, they have nothing on us!

•Day 02- The meaning behind your Blogger name

2010-11-23T05:30:00.000-08:00

We explain our blog name in our very first post. Looking back I'm not sure why we named it after something we can't stand, but we're stuck with it now. I guess we were just eager to get our blog started and didn't want to waste too much time coming up with the perfect name. It would have taken us forever to agree on something and it was just the first thing that popped up...hehehehe popped up! Wish there was a more interesting meaning behind it, but we are lame! LOL If I could rename it, I would probably have it something more twin related. We call ourselves Twincesses (Princesses) or Twinado's (tornado's) or Psycho Hooker Clowns with Huge Boobs!!!

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

2010-11-22T05:30:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to state the obvious "I'm a twin" and "I love alcohol"...trying give more of an inside look into all that is Bird Shit.

15 Interesting Facts About Me:

1. I am Baby Ca's bitch - whatever she says goes
2. I am terrified of squirrels - been since kindergarten when a girl in my class came in after being attacked. Also, my uncle had them as pets and they used to throw rotten apples at me.
3. I hate my nose - it's wide, I wish it was smaller like Baby Ca's
4. I am a die hard Philadelphia sports fan - Eagles, Phillies, and Flyers...not the Sixers, I could care less about basketball
5. I hate seafood - I love Red Lobster though, I get the chicken
6. I have anxiety attacks - when I start to feel an attack coming on I think my fingers turn blue
7. I have concerts in my car - I can't sing for shit but swear I have the best voice in the world in my car. People in traffic look at me funny
8. I love thuderstorms and rain, but am terrified when I see lightening - I once slept in my car because it was lightening out and I didn't want to get stuck by lightening
9. I am addicted to shoes - I order a new pair every paycheck
10. I avoid hanging up my clothes - it would save a lot of arguments with Rushy if I would just put them away, but I never do. My half of the closet is a mess
11. I regret some tattoo's - the ones I regretted I got covered up
12. I love hoodies - I wear them all year long, I love hoodies and mesh shorts in the summer when I'm down the beach
13. I would rather sit in than go out - game nights with my girls is more fun to me then going out and drinking around a bunch of strangers
14. I don't feel comfortable if I am not wearing earrings - I always carry a spare pair of earrings in my purse in case I forget to put a pair on in the morning
15. I am a very sore loser - this can be very bad for Rushy if I lose when our teams play each other for fantasy football.

Smokers

2010-11-19T05:07:00.000-08:00

Sorry to all you smokers in the blog world, but I HATE cigarettes. They are SO freaking gross and it's just really unattractive. I'm sorry, I'm sorry!!! Don't beat me up! Last night I was at the bar with my friends and smoking is still allowed in this place. Yup, there are some places still left in America that don't have a smoking ban. It all has something to do w/ the ratio of food to alcohol to panda's to E=MC Hammer or some shit...idk. A lot of my friends smoke so sitting next to them I am in constant contact with their second hand smoke. My poor lungs, they suffer so much. On the drive home I felt sick to my stomach because I smelled like a giant ashtray. When I got home, Rushy wouldn't even hug me until I changed out of my smelly clothes, but the smell still did cling to my hair. I tried to go to bed but I couldn't because my hair reeked. I had to get up in the middle of the night and wash my hair and then couldn't fall back to sleep because after I take a shower I am wide awake. So now I am miserable and tired and still think my hair smells like smoke. YUCK! Since you have listened to me bitch and complain, here is a little treat for you...Enjoy!!!

I also suggest you check out her other videos...Tight Pants/Body Roll is my favorite!

Blogger 30 Day Challenge

2010-11-18T05:30:00.000-08:00

Since Baby Ca hasn't had a burst of blogginess in her like I recently have, I realized how hard it is to carry a blog without her. I don't have that much going on in my life to blog about regularly. I've been staying in and trying to save money for Christmas, you know, being a responsible adult. I decided to take the 30 day challenge that I have seen on some of your blogs. There are different variations, I choose this one:

•Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
•Day 02- The meaning behind your Blogger name
•Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
•Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
•Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
•Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
•Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
•Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
•Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
•Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
•Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
•Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
•Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
•Day 14- A picture of you and your family
•Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
•Day 16- Another picture of yourself (baby pic!)
•Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
•Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
•Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
•Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
•Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
•Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
•Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
•Day 24- A letter to your parents
•Day 25- What I would find in your bag
•Day 26- What you think about your friends
•Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
•Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
•Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
•Day 30- Who are you?

I plan on starting on Monday and I'm pretty excited about it (I am such a dork). If anything interesting happens during this 30 adventure, don't worry kiddos, I will write about it....sorry didn't mean to scare you guys!

Situation

2010-11-17T06:40:00.000-08:00

After I was over being embarrassed for my computer for having to show me something so cringe-worthy, I have come up with an idea for a new drinking game. When you see this PSA on TV, grab your booze and everytime they say any variation of the word "situation" you have to drink. Guarenteed you will end up wasted by the end of it.

Philly LOVE

2010-11-16T05:30:00.000-08:00

Last night was an awesome night to be a Philly sports fan. Not only did the Eagles DESTROY the Redskins (take that McScabb), but the Flyers kicked some booty as well. Oh and because of how kick ass the Eagles did, I won in both my fantasy football leagues. What bothers me though is when I read facebook and people are already predicting parades in Feburary and June...baby steps people. I think we got spoiled after the Phillies won the World Series a few years back. We need to take one game at a time and remember...we are from Philly, the city of disappointed fans! LOL I'm not doubting the awesomeness of my favorite teams, I am just proceeding with caution. I have been down this road before and am guarding my heart.

Rushy and I tailgating

Superman Farter

2010-11-15T05:30:00.000-08:00

Relay for Life: The Conclusion...This guy wanted to hook up with my friend so we made her call him because we were running out of booze and needed more. We couldn't leave because not only were we already buzzed but the Walk Nazi would have probably killed us. We really feared for our lives!!! When he eventually showed up to the walk with our beer, he really had to pee. Instead of using the Port-o-potties he decided the woods would be a more appropriate place to go at a cancer walk. He has my friend follow him, I guess he thought he might get some in the woods. Stupid guy, just because you bring beer doesn't mean you get ass in return. We are waiting for the friend to come back because the Walk Nazi called us in the meantime to come and relieve her. We were about to go shout near the woods for them to come out so we could go walk when we see our friend dart out of the woods w/ her hands extended above her head like Superman does when he flies. She hurried us back to our camp and said "omg he totally just farted". We said huh? she said "well he was peeing and all of a sudden he lets off farts like a machine gun. he must have known I was there because he told me to follow him. I didn't know what to do so I ran out of there." we then asked her why she ran out with her arms above her head like that. She said "because there were branches and it's dark and I couldn't see." she then said "don't you think it's a little soon to be farting in front of me...don't you usually wait a month or until we at least hook up?" After the walk she continued to see Superman farter. She said he just farts whenever he feels like it, just wherever/whenever. I am all about people farting but there are certain times and place. Also, what about the fart ettiquite? How soon before you know someone before you let loose? Another funny thing about Superman Farter, he talks in his sleep. She said he's so (wannabe) gangsta in real life he's even gangsta in his sleep. She said one night he must have been dreaming of fighting and he said "Yo I got dis yo." Wonder where I can find a hardcore gem like this guy...Momma I'm in love with a gangsta!

The Aftermath: Relay for Life

2010-11-12T05:30:00.000-08:00

Before we went on our blog hiatus, we mentioned that we were participating in the ACS (American Cancer Society) Relay for Life event in honor of our Momma who is a cancer survivor. Thank you to the blog friends who donated, it was much appreciated!!! Being the drunks that we are, we managed to sneak alcohol into the event...SHHHHHHHH don't tell. I'm pretty sure the people there knew what we were up to, Baby Caca and I get really bad "drunk eyes". Older sister Ama-blah was a total walking Nazi. We had to have people walking at all times from our team on the track (there weren't any people checking to make sure...it was an honor system). When it was our turn to walk the track, we went halfway around and hung out on the comfy mats that were there for the track team and their jumping events. Ama-blah would call to check on us and we were like "yeah we're really breaking a sweat out here, we've already walked around 7 times!" We also thought it was a good idea to get our faces painted, I said I wanted my whole face in camo...didn't really turn out that way. I didn't care though, I was drunk it was still cool to me. We were the loudest group there and didn't respect any of the quiet sleeping zones, we were having too much fun. At one point my aunt broke 2 of our chairs (in here defense they were old) so that had us laughing and making fun of her. We are really good for people's self esteem! Another thing that happened was the "Superman Farter"...I will keep you in suspense and tell about that on Monday...always keep em wanting more. All in all it was a great experience and I can't wait to harass people again for money for next years event!

Plant the Seed

2010-11-11T05:30:00.000-08:00

I love my friends! I especially love how my friends are just as awesome as I am and by awesome I mean white trash/ghetto/stupid/crazy/retarded/drunk/etc. Classic example of how white trash/ghetto my friends can be. Please see the email I received yesterday from a friend of mine who shall remain nameless (The Man is always watching):

Friend: Ok, so how ghetto of a mother am I? (insert childs name) had to grow a plant for 1 of her social studies projects (yes, social studies, not science...) & since I only had 1 kind of seed, that's what I planted. LOL

Bird Shit: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you are the coolest mother EVER!

Friend: Thankfully, all she has to do is write a journal recording the growth of it. I just planted them over the weekend & I've got 3 sprouts! Woo-hoo! LOL

The Wall

2010-11-10T06:03:00.001-08:00

Saw the BEST CONCERT EVER last night...Roger Waters - The Wall. Holy Fucking (insert most awesome/amazing/fantastic/etc. word you can think of)!!! I honestly cannot describe how great this concert was. I recommend if you live in any of the cities where this concert is playing, you run out and buy tickets now because it will be the best money you ever spent on a concert. I don't care if you are broke as all hell and have to put off paying your rent or buy food for your kids, GET TICKETS! I can't even try to describe it because I would do it no justice, you just have to see for yourself. I am trying to get tickets to see the show again tomorrow night...it was that good that I would pay an arm and a leg just to see it again. Anyone have a concert experience that has left you completely speechless and in awe like I am now?

I Pity Da Fool That Hibernates

2010-11-09T08:57:00.000-08:00

Since Baby Ca and I have come out of our bloggy hibernation, we have noticed some of our favorite bloggers are gone. They have either been on their own bloggy hibernation, gone private, or simply just deleted their blogs. Was the pain of losing us just too much for them to handle? I'm pretty sure that's what happened, I just with they would have held on a bit longer so we could have come back as golden rays of sunshine in their bleek worlds. We have been lucky enough to be facebook friends with a few bloggers. In one case we are even more lucky to have met a blog friend face to face and become real life friends, where I pretty much stalk the crap out of here on email at work and text her whenever I am drunk. She was dumb enough to give me her number knowing damn well how much I drink! That's ok though, she loves me and deals with my drunken ways (also, she has horrible taste is sports teams...just throwing that out there). Got to say, it's good to be back and be able to share our drunken escapades!!! So what I will leave you with today is a drunk moments with the Mr. T wig.

Arctic Blast

2010-11-08T05:45:00.000-08:00

Since the weather has been getting colder recently, it's reminded me of when I lived at my moms for a few month during last winter. Our mom only turns the heat up enough to her pipes don't freeze because she's going through the lady change and is one hot momma LOL We were all in different rooms and were too cold to move to have face to face conversations so we text each other from different rooms in the house. Here's a text conversation between Mama, cousin J, and myself:

Baby Ca: I m laying here in the arctic blast. Good thing i have this dog laying here next 2 me...i can cut him open 4 warmth if my hands weren’t so numb
Mama: Ur too funny
Cousin J: Im laying below the arctic equator and thankful for the 2 dogs that i may have to cut open to survive the night
Cousin J: Are u still alive
Baby Ca: Alive but numb. I m checking out the bedroom furniture 4 a fire
Mama: You are so resourceful
Baby Ca: I have a lighter and some wooden bedroom furniture...kindling 4 my bonfire
Cousin J: I will trade 1 dog for a blanket i also have extra matches for the fire
Mama: Joys of living here gd nite
Baby Ca: Man vs wild has nothing on me. I have survived in sub zero temperatures for 3 days now
Baby Ca: If i rub 2 dresser drawers 2gether will that make a fire?
Cousin J: Be strong lil'1 the sun will be up soon gd nt luv u
Baby Ca: Good Deal! Good night and God Bless….I hope we both survive the night.
Cousin J: Did u make it to work or is that u entombed in that block of ice coming out of the showerhead
Baby Ca: I m here...i feel like Encino Man

You Won This Round Tree

2010-11-05T07:30:00.000-07:00

Lately when I have gotten drunk I want to climb things. I am not sure it it's because I made sweet sweet love to a monkey recently (don't judge me, it was special), but my objects of choice to climb are trees. I was at Baby Ca's place one night and for some reason I felt it was my life's mission to get on the roof. I tried to go through her vents...um...I am not The Littles so that wasn't happening. Next step was to go in the hallway and climb into the crawl space, but it wasnt sturdy enough and I think there may have been squirrels living in there. If you are familiar w/ this blog, you will know I am terrified of squirrels. The only solution my drunken mind could come up with was to go outside and climb the tree next to the building. It's now 4 am, but I could not be deterred, I needed to be on the roof. I spit on my hands, rub them together, and take my attack stance. I then ran at the tree and jumped for the branch, which I slid right off of. Being drunk and feeling no pain, I got up and dusted myself off. I tried again...this time SUCCESS! I got about halfway up the tree (ok probably not, but in my drunken state I felt like I was really high up). Then it happened, the branch snapped and I crashed to the ground. I lay there for a few seconds afraid to move. Once I did move, I didn't find any broken bones and doubted I had any internal bleeding...although if I did, I probably wouldn't have felt it, I was way too drunk. I decided to call it a night and go back inside, but not before making a mental note to try again in the morning. Whenever I walk by that tree, I feel disgusted with myself and my failure. I still haven't given getting on the roof another try, but I'm pretty sure I will try again in the near future since I drink A LOT! Tree-1/Bird Shit-0......you won this round Tree, but I won't give up!

Kindle's Just Don't Understand!

2010-11-04T07:32:00.000-07:00

Last Christmas I was giving pretty much my favorite gift ever, My Kindle...or as my uncle says "who's Mike Hindle?". Since I have gotten this awesome gift I have become even more of a book worm than I already am and made Rushy regret buying it for me because I pay even less attention to him now. It's so convienent to have and really upped my lazy factor because now I don't have to leave the confort of my home to get a book that I want to read. I have since ordered 2 series of books, Patricia Cornwell's Dr. Kay Scarpetta series and the Sookie Stackhouse series which the True Blood TV shows is based on. Just to break down the content of the books the Dr. Kay Scarpetta series is about a medical examiner and it deals w/ all types of murder scenerios. Sookie Stackhouse on the other hand pretty much humps everything, whether it be vampire or wolf. Since I have ordered these books my Kindle has been kind enough to send me book suggestions based the books I have ordered. Well folks...my Kindle seems to think I am a really horrible person. It has been sending me erotica books based on "gang rape fantasies". Um...excuse me? Seriously, who writes books about that shit and who actually reads it??? Seriously sick and twisted, but it did get me curious when I actually saw that people reviewed the books!!! Yes, people read them and actually rated them. I was very disturbed by this and haven't picked up my Kindle in about a month...I just feel like it is judging me. How sad is it that I am self conscious by an electronic device? LOL

Dude Where's My Car

2010-11-03T07:11:00.000-07:00

Ok, not even going to get into how long it's been since we last wrote and all of our empty promises of when we were supposed to start blogging again. Today is a new day, let's just jump right in. Last night Baby Ca and I were driving on some dark backroads and it reminded me of a story about a girl Wifty I used to hang out with. Wifty and I used to be really close until she got sober and I kept partying. She has always been a sweet person but did a lot of things that would actually have me questioning how this chick could function on her own...hence the nickname Wifty. Most people in our town didn't actually know her real name, simply that she was Wifty. She actually went to pump gas in her car before and put the nozzle in and hopped back and drove away, w/ a now detached nozzle hanging out of her gas tank. Sadly, this wasn't a one time occurance. So back to the dark backroads...This reminded me of my old pal Wifty. One time she saw some random person pulled over on one of these roads late one night and decided to pull over to see if she could help. Turns out it was a lady who had run out of gas. Wifty being the sweetie that she is, offered to go to a gas station and get gas for this person and bring it back. The lady instead asks if she can just take Wifty's car and get her husband. Wifty actually agrees to this!!! She let some total stranger drive off w/ her car leaving her stranded on a dark backroad!!! The lady eventually came back and thanked Wifty and said to her "I would never let some complete stranger take my car in the middle of the night on a dark backroad." To which Wifty replied "yeah I thought about that after you drove away." I miss hanging out w/ that girl sometimes, always a story to tell. Too bad she gave up booze LOL

Summer Vacation

2010-08-16T15:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Bloggy Friends,

UM....in case anyone hasn't noticed we have taken a summer blog vacation...see you in September w/ lots of Summer Sheninagins!!!

Love,
The Two Twins

Mom + Cancer = Today's Post

2010-05-13T09:16:00.000-07:00

Too hungover to write anything...or even care about anything....Oh yeah, Bird-Shit puked last night...that was funny...Anyway, we're doing a cancer walk (cancer walk? I bet that looks weird) because our Momma had cancer blah blah blah sad story...she's fine now...so we posted stuff on Facebook asking for donations. Now we're copying and pasting them on here for your amusement. If you're not amused then suck it...don't care today...lol! Also, did I mention that Bird-Shit puked last night....hysterical!

1. (Cue the soap opera music…..music fades) As most of you know Momma Quinn is a cancer survivor. If it wasn’t for things like Relay for Life research being done then I would not have my awesome mom here now to pick on every day. So please help support cancer research so we can help other daughters continue to pick on their mothers for years to come. Support Team Walk for Winnie! Thank you!

2. My name is Bird-Shit. You might know me from movies such as Bird-Shit Does Dallas and Bird-Shit’s Babe Bonanza. As a celebrity I feel it is my duty to raise awareness to causes such as Walk for Winnie. So please donate to our team and support cancer research. Thank you!

3. Yep…still at $0 for Relay for Life. I would like to thank all you a-holes for your support lol! I don’t want to have to threaten lives, families, or pets but you know what they say about desperate times…and I’m desperate…wait, that didn’t sound right….Um…As I was saying, I’m desperate…shit….Whatever F it…Click on the link and donate or suffer the horrific consequences.

4. So I am no longer the team loser (that is now reserved for Auntie Dee and Mama Quinn)! I have $30 in donations for Relay for Life/Team Winnie. Thank you Howard, Brigit, & Melissa for making me less pathetic! Drinks are on me next time I see ya...Let me rephrase....Drink (singular) is on me....lol! If you are super thirsty and require more drinks feel free to put them on Bird-Shit’s tab! xoxo

5. Obviously my earlier threats worked. I made my goal for Relay For Life/Team Winnie thanks to the few people that I still like that donated lol. Everyone else feel free to buy my love…donations, jewelry, cars, & alcohol appreciated..mmmm alcohol! There was a point to this…Oh yeah, Mama Quinn is still at $0. Donate to her if you value your lives…I don’t make empty threats (insert crazy laughter)!

6. Did you know my mom had cancer before? You didn't? That's strange, I thought I played that sympathy card on everyone I met for a free beer..um..don't judge me! LOL We are participating in the Relay for Life and my mother has $0 in donations! If you would like to help my CANCER SURVIVOR mother not look like such a loser, please click on her link in the comments section of my status to donate.

7. For anyone who didn't see my status earlier or people who may have been out at the bar and spend money when they are drunk (like me), we are participating in the Relay for Life and my mother has $25 in donations, she needs $75 to make her goal. Please help my CANCER SURVIVOR mother by clicking on her link in the comments section of my status to donate. Thanks a bunch!

8. To those of you who donated to the Relay for Life cancer walk we are doing in honor of Momma Quinn-cancer survivor-THANK YOU! For those who didn't...be afraid, be very afraid! Check my status from yesterday if you would like to help out!

Here's the link...Click on Brigit or Erica...we want to kick everyone on our teams ass in donations:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RF...LFY10PA?team_id=579431&pg=team&fr_id=26196&fl=en_US&et=rRpGwG6hfa5yrP-v5re_fA..&s_tafId=487778

Baby Suicide

2010-05-12T06:10:00.000-07:00

E-mails between Bird-Shit and Tyrone:

Bird-Shit: Good morning ladies (except Tyrone I hope yours is bad)
Tyrone: Well, mine was filled w/ redoing the liv. rm., so it wasn't all that exciting. Just now got a chance to sit in front of the computer & I have to leave in a few mins. to p/u the kids from the bus stop. Oh boy.
Bird-Shit: UGGGGHHHHHHH KIDS SUCK!
Tyrone: I know. And the one on the floor is blowing snot bubbles out of his nose.
Bird-Shit: EWE drown it please!!!
Tyrone: Ugh, I have to get started on S's room this morning & I'm sooo not looking forward to it! Bird-Shit: NO!!! just stay online and chat w/ me all day!
Tyrone: I might even take the computer upstairs w/ me. LOL
Bird-Shit: DO IT!!!!
Tyrone: I will! At least there's a TV in there too, so I won't be completely bored talking to you...oh wait...
Bird-Shit: but I want you to be bored to death...you know dying...
Tyrone: If I were dead, then you'd really have no one to talk to....
Bird-Shit: yeah but you would be dead and that's really what I want...(sigh) a girl can dream can't she…
Tyrone: So, can I stop emailing you now & just pretend I'm dead?
Bird-Shit: no, we can still do the pretend your dead game, but I will act like it's your spirit emailing me!
Tyrone: Ugh, Stupid Baby has a fever. Time to medicate & put down for an early morning nap! Woo-hoo!
Bird-Shit: Baby Benedryl!
Tyrone: Gurl, children's motrin. It lasts longer! LOL
Bird-Shit: how about Baby Booze???

Bird-Shit then forwarded the e-mails to Baby Ca:

Baby Ca: You guys are idiots
Bird-Shit: LOL I told her to drown her kid!
Baby Ca: Well it’s an option that should be looked into honestly.
Bird-Shit: She can call it baby suicide....
Baby Ca: We can make it look like he was really depressed. She should paint his room black and take down all the pictures of him smiling.
Bird-Shit: or just hang them upside down to make it look like he's frowning
Baby Ca: You are brilliant. We can stage babies deaths all around the world! Baby Suicide will be on the rise in 2010. Maybe we can sprinkle some Baby Tylenol around him just for effect.
Bird-Shit: He just got hooked on the junk, kid never had a chance
Baby Ca: Maybe we can give him a baby Emo or Goth haircut to really seal the deal. You know how “tortured” those fags are….lol!
Bird-Shit: and make him wear skinny jeans w/ black converse

Will you stay on this Earth and continue to Rock my World?

2010-05-10T06:03:00.000-07:00

I’m sure we’ve all seen in the news lately that Bret Michael’s (or is it Fergie..they’re also two twins..I get confused) had a near death experience. Show of hands, how many actually had a morbid hope that he wouldn’t pull through? Please let the jury note that all hands are up. Unfortunately God gave him his own backstage pass and he will stay on Earth and continue to rock our world. Well, I guess I was right all along when I said he was brain damaged. But wait, wouldn’t that mean that he actually has a brain? That’s the real medical miracle here. Since it has been proved that he has a brain how is he going to explain Rock Of Love, Poison, and pretty much anything else he’s done. I guess this means that his career will be revived because nothing says comeback in Hollywood like almost dying. UGH! He’ll be on the cover of US Weekly, Star, National Inquirer, and OK telling how the experience changed his life and how he’s a better person because of it. This completely dashed my hopes that there would be another season of Rock of Love…it’s just not fair! I loved that show is all it’s trashy goodness. I guess we’ll be stuck with more crappy music, bandanas, puffy lip poses and horrible hair extensions.

If You Ain’t Ever Been To The Ghetto…

2010-05-06T05:09:00.000-07:00

“Signs Signs everywhere signs”…good song, reminds me of a charming town I have to pass on my way to work. As I was riding to work the other day (on time for once) and I looked over and saw the strangest sign on the door. Well I guess it's not really strange considering the shitty neighborhood I was riding through. You know how most stores have signs that say "No Shirt/No Shoes/No Pets....". Well this quaint (sounds like taint...hehe) store's sign said "Absolutely No Guns or Drugs in the store". I am not lying. I was a little pissed because I feel it is my right as an American citizen to be able to bring as many guns and drugs in their store as I want. I will have to write a letter to Congress about that. Around the corner from that store was another store had a sign out front that said “No hoods and full masks allowed on in the store”. I guess Little Red Riding Hood or Batman will never be allowed to shop in that store. Sadly, me and my white hood are not allowed in there either....sigh....Is there anywhere a girl with a white hood, guns, & drugs can shop now? Walmart is coming to mind (shout out to People of Walmart!). I couldn't get photo proof because I was too scared to get out of the car. It was the ghetto.....and I am just a scared little white girl......I don't care if y'all think I'm racist. See I ghettoed it up by writing y'all.....I'm down yo...lol!

* We were on everyone's blog last night and tried to leave comments. The computer kept freezing (shakes fist at computer). We will try again tonight. We know you are all sad...lol! *

Goodwill Wednesday: Take That Chris Burke!

2010-05-05T07:14:00.000-07:00

Well folks, it's that time again for another exciting Goodwill Wednesday adventure. This weeks gem has really inspired Baby Ca and I. Here's what we found:

Since the trend nowadays seems to be adopting foreign babies we've decided to take it one further. We want to adopt a retard. Not a child...but a full grown adult. We have been thinking of ways to become more humane and honorable members of society, ok not really but we just want to least appear to be that way. A tiger can't change its stripes, we know we are assholes and don't mind that character flaw. One flaw we cannot tolerate is ugliness. We just want other people to think we are pretty, cause let's face it who doesn't look pretty standing next to a retard. We would also seem really smart when we challenge them to math problems and spelling bees. It would be hysterical to see their already deformed faces get all twisted when they try to figure out those impossible math problems like 1+1=2. Difficult I know. We would also do good things for our retard like teaching it how to sing, but only because we are very competitive and want to give that uppity Chris Burke a run for his money in the music industry. Seriously that guy is so full of himself. Oh I was on a TV Show...I'm in a band! Wow aren't you a fully functional retard. Let's see you try to drive a car. Point 1 for us Retard! We will train our retard to become the next Britney Spears Or Lady Gaga since she seems enough like a retard herself (we don't hate Gaga, she's awesome, but come on let's face it, she's FUG) Our retard could be a judge on American Idol cause they have shown they aren't against having "special" people on the panel, case in point Paula Abdul!

Missing: Lunch Edition

2010-05-04T11:52:00.000-07:00

At my work we have people who steal lunches, I’m sure it’s the same at most jobs. Our food stealer would take bites out of people’s sandwiches, scoops of their ice cream, and drinks from their soda’s. This person never stole the whole lunch, but left the person w/ no desire to eat their tainted lunch. One day the thief got bold. They decided to steal my mom’s entire hoagie out of the fridge. Once the hoagie was discovered missing, I decided to take swift action in hopes that my mothers beloved lunch would be returned to her.

This is what the missing poster said:

MISSING

Winnie’s Hoagie
Was last seen around 8 am Friday morning in the refrigerator in the break room on the 4th floor. Winnie’s Hoagie is thought to have gone missing between the hours of 8:30-10. Winnie’s Hoagie was last seen in a white bag wrapped in paper and was wearing onions, lettuce, sweet peppers, and possibly pickles. Winnie’s Hoagie will also respond to the name “Sub”. Winnie misses her hoagie dearly so if you have seen this hoagie please return it immediately. A $1 reward is being offered for safe return of Winnie’s Hoagie.

Electric Boogaloo

2010-04-30T12:28:00.000-07:00

Well today I went out for an Electric Lunch. For those of you who don't know what that is, I suggest you go back and read our entire blog and figure it out...ok we won't bore you w/ past blogs so we'll link it (lazy mother f'ers): ELECTRIC LUNCH. For some reason I have been trying to be a more responsible worker and not had one of these in a while. Oh how I have missed ye! The afternoon is just buzzing by (see what I did there LOL). I don't care about the dirty looks from co-workers or the fact that my boss probably notices me talking just a bit louder than usual. To recap my lunch I did a shots of soco-and lime, vodka soaked in pineapple, and apple jolly rancher and I drank a big Dos Equis...all w/ in an hour. Lunch was kind to me today, but after work will be more fun. Baby Ca and I are going to be drinking together...Praise Infant Jesus!!!

Baby Ca's Life Change

2010-04-16T06:45:00.000-07:00

So I have something to reveal. My Major Life Change….drum roll please…wait, everyone says that. Let me come up with something better. Ok ready…….a thousand fat chicks peeling their sweaty asses off a pleather couch please (way cooler that a drum roll)………Here goes: I left T after being together 8 ½ years. Yes, I Baby Ca, grew some balls and got out of that f-ing relation-shit! Now on here in the past I made it seem like all sparkles and angels…not quite so. I don’t have to get into details but most of the time happy isn’t exactly the word I would label it. Why stay that long you ask….Why? I think it’s obvious to most readers that I’m fucking retarded. Yes, studies have shown that retarded people stay in bad relationships. Seriously, 5 out of every 8 retarded couples aren’t happy. The other 3 are just clueless and incoherent and can’t even wipe their own asses. This is not a lie. I have read this….somewhere….in some Science Journal…..or maybe some comic book. Either way, it’s wise to believe everything you read.

Ok enough about that those gross human beings. Can we even call them human? Anyway, I’m just so happy now I could explode! I have all the time in the world to spend with my family and friends! For the first month of freedom I spent every waking hour getting shitfaced with Bird-Shit. Fun right? You would think so…..I don’t remember a lot of it but as far as I can tell from the loss of memory I obviously drank a lot and let’s face it that’s always fun.

Well this hasn’t stopped T from sending me some little gems in text messages. I’m almost embarrassed for him. I am not a girl that is into the sappy romantic buy me flowers and write me love letters. That is pure fag stuff if you ask me. Buy me a beer and punch me in the face….um….maybe not that first part….I mean 2nd…not the 2nd part!

DRUNK DRUNK DRUNK DRUNK DRUNK DRUNK

2010-04-15T16:34:00.000-07:00

Baby Ca and I are being fancy right now. We are drinking wine and ginger ale...in a plastic cup with ice. So far we haven't played any mean pranks on each other, but I'm sure we will soon, either that or pass out. We have been writing a lot of graphic stuff on all of our friends facebook pages. We call their babies stupid, their faces hideous, and their asses fat. We also keep calling our mom and asking to repeat a line from a TV show she heard "I am crime scene investigator and I am unhappy". She can't say it, trust me it's a RIOT. um...whatever. I can't type anymore, my balls are itchy....

Goodwill Wednesday: Manicure Money

2010-04-14T09:33:00.000-07:00

Today's Goodwill Wednesday will actually be called Racist Goodwill Wednesday. Seriously, what's a Wednesday without a little racism...that's what my mom always said...not really....be funny if she did though. What we have here is a precious little statue of a Chinese (or Japanese they all look alike) girl sitting on top of what appears to be a manicure tip jar. Seriously loving the mask. As you know there are only 3 certain jobs that every Asian girl strives for. So this got me thinking. Do you think this came in a collection? What were the other tip jars that were in this priceless collection?

"Hi my name Fa Que Wang! I your typical Asian stereotype. My family and I have many jar for money. My sister Mi Lei Yue have massage parlor tip jar. She really leave customer satisfied $2 sucky sucky! There my cousin Ai No Park he have Car insurance savings fund jar, he not very good driver. My uncle Tai Ni Wang have Penis enlarger fund jar, he not popular with ladies. We have family jar for SPCA fee for the dogs and cats they need for Sunday dinner.”

** This weekend we will be catching up on everyone's blogs. Expect to have drunken comments. You have been warned. **