Christmas Mashed Potato Recipe

If any of you are cooking tomorrow here's Bird-Shit's yummy Mashed Potato Recipe:


All I do is grab the potato's from the meat market, pay for them, place them in the seat next to me in the car, then bring them in the house, then place them on the counter, open the lid, spit in them, laugh for a few minutes, drink some beer, chase a squirrel, pee and then not wash my hands, come back to the mashed potato's, forget what I was doing and just stare at them for a good 10-20 seconds, laugh again at myself for being so stupid, then I add sour cream, curse at myself for getting the sour cream all over my sleeves, then I get some mozzarella cheese and add it to the mix, I then open the bag and pour a shit load of cheese in my mouth, curse at myself again cause now I have cheese in my eyes, I add some garlic salt and garlic power and then my stomach starts growling cause now I am thinking about garlic bread...yum, I mix the mashed potatoes and crap all together, I then curse at myself for making such good food that people demand I make them for every holiday, I put the potato's back in the pan, drink the rest of my beer, then I sprinkle some parmesan cheese on top, after that I am so over it I actually leave it on the counter and wander over to the couch and watch TV, 2 hours later I return to the kitchen drunk and finally cover the potato's and put them in the fridge. That my darling is how I make my delicious homemade mashed potato's.

Orange You Glad I Didn't Say Banana?

This is the e-mail I get from Bird-Shit today:

This is how bored I am at work LOL

AAAHHH! Maturity Rules!

O Holy Night

I’m about to ruin a classic holiday song. I was on my way to work today and “O Holy Night” was playing. Every time they say the part “fall on your knees” I start to laugh. I’m totally immature. I always think of someone giving a blow job or a bmlasjdflajdfladjf (that’s someone saying it while giving one). Try listening to that song again without getting that vision in your head. You’re Welcome and Happy Holidays!

We're Bound To Lose Some Readers After This

DISCLAIMER: We feel as though you should be warned before reading this particular blog. We may have crossed the line this time and there is no doubt in our minds that Baby Ca and I are going to hell. We make fun of everyone and feel no remorse over it, but even this time we feel like jerks for laughing. It's not our fault that little kids, handicapped people, the mentally challenged, Tyrone's husband and his family (Mexicans) etc...are easy targets. So before you proceed and laugh hysterically over what you are about to see, think about if you want to spend the rest of eternity burning in hell. We have already sealed our fate, but you still have a choice...

Baby Ca and I were hanging out one night and we decided to take pictures of ourselves. We were getting drunk and Baby Ca decided it would be funny to make a goofy face and not tell me so she could see the look on my face when I saw her face...Oh that Baby Ca, always the comedian. Here's the result of that picture:

Well I couldn't quite place who she reminded me of but eventually something snapped...I figured it out!!! You know how some people say there everyone has a twin in the world? Well it turns out that Baby Ca actually has another twin out there besides me...Take a look:

We call her Terica...

He Got The Shaft

Nothing special today. Just proving once again how immature I am. I was reading my company newsletter. They had a list of the local area injuries. Here’s a little gems I came across:

Victim was polishing his shaft. The shaft flew out and struck him in the chest.

That’s all. Short, simple, and awesome…..just like me!

Sad but Funny

I will start out by letting everyone know of a sad event that took place this weekend. Rushy’s Grandmom died. Please send some hugs his way. Let’s also have a little moment of silence for Rushy’s Grandmom………………………………………………….

On to a lighter note (not really lighter but it involves me making an ass out of myself) let’s talk about something that was pointed out to me that morning. My lovely bitch sister Ama-Blah pointed out that me and Bird-Shit are completely socially awkward. If we don’t have alcohol in us we don’t know how to act in social situations for example, a viewing.


It's Saturday morning and we're at the veiwing. Ama-Blah being the matriarch of us sisters ….the sistriarch if you will…..was going through the line doing her best duties “I’m so sorry for your loss”, “If you need anything”…blah blah blah. Then there’s me and Bird-Shit. Bird-Shit is introducing me and I’m sitting there like a socially awkward jack in the box doing this retarded wave thing to people. The wave involved me keeping my hands tightly at my side and bending them at the elbow and only waving my wrist. The weird thing is, I look over and Bird Shit is doing the same thing. She knows everyone there! Why is she waving?! WTF! Then here’s the real kicker. Someone thanks me for coming and the only response I can come up with is “Oh, Anytime!”. Kill. Me. Now. Um, maybe that was a bad choice of words.

What's that funny squeaking sound?

I had an Aunt Bethany moment the other night while at my mom's house. I was sitting at her kitchen table drinking my PBR Light (we would like to print a retraction to our PBR letter...lol!) and heard a funny squeaking sound. At first I thought it was one of the dogs whining to be let out, fed, or loved (none of which I was willing to do). I looked around and saw no dogs...hmmm...strange. I went back to enjoying my tasty beverage and I heard the sound again. I asked my uncle if he heard it and he said he didn't but he then proceeded to push the table back and forth really hard to see if it was squeaking. Um...I'm not sure how he thought that could have been the sound considering neither of us were violently shaking the table prior to that. Suddenly, I heard it again and he did too. I knew I wasn't crazy...ok maybe I am, but I knew I heard something. We start to investigate where the sound is coming from, so I proceed to get down on my hands and knees to find out where the sound is coming from. Well folks, it didn't take me long because as soon as I got went underneath the kitchen table, I was face to face w/ a mouse squeaking away on a glue trap. I screamed and grabbed my uncle and threw him in front of me to protect me from the evil mouse. My Uncle wasn't trying to be near the mouse either, so we called in cousin Big J to rid us of the devil mouse. Big J was our hero that night and I will never forget how brave he was that night. After the mouse was gone from my sight, I raised my PBR Light high and toasted my hero!!! As for my uncle, I laughed at him and called him a sissy.